Hayley's Page

Revenge!

1:01am July 2, 2014
So I moved and within a week it messed up! Typical for my life, right? Well, that guy I mentioned turned out to be a total asshole who only looked out for himself! As soon as I wasn't interested in pursuing anything with him (sorry but I'm just not attracted to him) he sent me packing, even though we were supposed to be friends.
So I'm back and staying at a friends house. I don't have a stable place to live which is nerve wracking to say the least. However, I did land myself a job. Which is good, I started yesterday and it's okay I guess, just the bitchy ones I can't deal with.
One thing I've taken from all this is not to take revenge on those who have wronged me! Because the truth is, everyone's who's hurt me don't actually care about what I'm doing or thinking, and me constantly thinking about them is taking my focus from what I should be doing and shifting it to them and constantly thinking about how to get back at them.
The biggest slap in the face I can give to all of those people is to be successful and happy.
To move on with my life, make sure my music career takes off and become the person I've always wanted to be.
I know I can do it, I'm talented, intelligent, I have impeccable social skills, and I can use all of that to where I need to be. The only thing standing in my way is I have an addictive personality. When I get into something I can't stop, not until it's taken everything out of me. I'm a woman obsessed. I'm a train wreck. I'll speak openly, most people won't through fear of humiliation and I get that, more than most. But the truth is, I care to damn much about what people think of me! I pretend I don't but I actually want everyone to love me and I don't deal with negativity or harsh comments, that shit plays on my mind for a long time until I get distracted.
I'm going to try and cure myself of this.
It's weird because I know what my problems are, even the steps to take to solve them, but something stops me each time.
Either way, I'm going to try to get my life back on track before the ground falls beneath my feet again sending me into some inevitable pit of despair. I hope I can hold myself together for long enough this time.
I don't think a lot of people realise how hard it is to battle with your own mind everyday and exorcise the demons that haunt you, yet were the only ones to hold you were you were alone.
I hope one day, I can write on this page, and say that I've sorted my life out, my attitude, my illness, my mind. That I'll be happy and I haven't destroyed my happiness again.
I just hope not to many people try to bring it down when I'm this fragile. Just a few months of peace with no heartache would be a truly wondrous gift right now.
I'm off to bed. I'll try to write more, instead of leaving it weeks.
Hayley.