kik ➵ camren

twenty

"Why couldn't you just be honest with me?"

"Lauren, please," I scanned her features and felt my expression fall. She didn't look mad- disappointed if anything.

"Literally all you had to do was tell me one tiny little thing abo-"

"It's not exactly a 'little' thing in my mind," I cut her off, settling myself on the edge of an armchair while Lauren situated herself on the counter top across from me. "Sorry for interrupting you though," I murmured shyly.

"It's fine. But I thought you trusted me enough to tell me something like that," The green eyed girl offered me a sad smile.

"And I thought you already knew," I bit my lip nervously and leaned backwards, only stumbling unceremoniously back into the chair, earning a small laugh from Lauren that raised heat to my cheeks. "I didn't think I was very subtle about it. But I'm sorry if you're upset with me. I thought I could invite you and Mani back and just, I don't know, have some fun, you know, spend my birthday like any normal nineteen year old would," I offered her a forced smile to which she chose to ignore.

"Well," Lauren sighed and ran a hand through her messy, dark hair before letting out a soft laugh. "Happy Birthday, Camz."

God, her laugh.

I couldn't help the genuine smile playing at my lips at the sound. She looked like a badass but sounded like a child.

"Thanks," I only received a nod in acknowledgment before the room settled into silence. I shifted my feet and  looked away from the older girl briefly in attempt to piece together what all I'd like to say but the second my eyes went back to Lauren's figure, everything might as well disappeared.

She was watching me nervously, her fingers playing with the loose strings of her shorts as she endured the silence. Her lips were red from the constant biting the older girl had started as soon as we entered the room, her cheeks no less shy of color as well.

"Can I ask you something?" Lauren's tentative voice filled the room after minutes of silence.

"Of course, anything."

"Were you ever going to straight up tell me?" She asked softly, her eyes shining with curiosity and... hurt?

"Laur, I didn't- I wasn't trying to lie to you," I met her eyes and it took everything in me not to go hug the girl right then and there. "I just, after I told you my sexuality I was so afraid to actually tell you I am who I am because paps will literally pay you for any piece of information if they find out you're linked to me in anyway. I didn't exactly deny it but I never confirmed it either, so I'm sorry."

"Oh," Lauren's brows furrowed and I nodded slightly before she continued. "I didn't think of that. But I get where you're coming from."

"I thought you would've figured it out on your own if you hadn't already," I added as an afterthought, only realizing how it could have sounded when Lauren responded.

"Are you saying I'm dumb?" She raised an eyebrow in challenge.

"No, Lauren- I," I met her eyes and sighed, seeing she really was serious with all of this. "I thought you would piece it all together eventually. And when I say that I mean I had faith that you were clever enough to figure it all out on your own because I know how smart you really are. I was kinda hoping I could avoid directly telling you because I guess I'm just afraid of having all of my secrets out there for you to know."

"You're still kind of insinuating that I wasn't clever enough, but okay," Lauren nodded stiffly and seemed to really take in my appearance for the first time since joining me backstage. 

"I don't mean that, though," I spoke when she failed to fill the silence. "I know how intellectually smart you are."

"You just had to add intellectually," The green eyed girl laughed softly.

"It got you laughing so," I blushed slightly and nodded, a shy smile adorning my features.

"Do you have any other secrets?" The older girl asked abruptly.

"What?"

"You said you were afraid of having all your secrets 'out there'," The raven haired girl emphasized using her hands, her features softening before going on. "Do you have any other secrets?"

"Oh," I nodded in acknowledgment, my eyes meeting her tender gaze nervously. "Well, no, not really I guess. What about you? I feel like you know a lot more about me than I do about you know."

"Yeah, I have a few of my own secrets," Lauren spoke quietly, almost as if she were afraid to hear the words herself. "But I'll tell you when I'm ready. Can we go back to the other girls now?"

"Sure, yeah, of course.  But I just want you to know I really do love talking to you," I avoided the girl's intense stare. "Just because I was hiding that part of myself doesn't mean I don't trust you and enjoy talking to you."

"I get it, Camila," Lauren nodded, her eyes scanning my loosely clothed body hungrily. "It's fine- now I'm just taking in the fact that Camila fucking Cabello brought me back stage."

"Yeah," I nervously moved to sit on the counter beside the older girl. "Are you mad at me though?"

"No."

"Okay," I let my eyes dip down to her lips briefly before making eye contact again. However, her heavy gaze was trained on lips. I cleared my throat in attempt to catch her attention but she was unaffected. "Lauren?"

"Hm?" Her eyes lifted to mine distractedly. 

"Hi," I whispered and scooted closer to her subtly, her gaze dropping back down to my lips before responding.

"Hey," Lauren allowed herself to stare a few moments before leaning in slowly and bringing a hand up to my cheek, her thumb brushing over my skin gently, and connecting our lips. I eagerly reciprocated and moved with the older girl, bringing my own hands up to rest on her shoulder and her thigh. Lauren dragged her tongue along my bottom lip and I couldn't help but let out a quiet whimper and grant her entrance. However, before I had the chance of feeling the green eyed girl's tongue clash with mine, she pulled away quickly and turned her head with her eyes still clamped shut. 

"Lauren?" My voice came out shaky.

"We should go back to the girls," She finally spoke, avoiding my eyes to no end and slipping off the counter silently.

My lips had stayed parted since the kiss, not once closing since the girls rapid change of character that triggered the change of emotion inside of me. I'd been so, so happy mere moments ago but the second my brain convinced me Lauren may have regretted it I blamed myself.

"Okay," My voice failed me again as I took one last glance at the older girl before exiting the room, holding the door open for her to follow, and returning to the girls.