They Chose Me (Draft 1)

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

You know how people say that if they were about to die they would put up a good fight? I think I would be one of those people. I mean, I didn't exactly come here willingly. I did try to stop the official from bombing my house. I did try to save the guy before he was pushed. But looking down at myself... I can't even walk, let alone stand. Every time I lift my head or turn it, the continuing headache wakes up and pounds on my skull again. How am I supposed to put up a fight like this? The despair works its way into my mind, one of the deadliest killers. Too much hope is deadly, too; however, too little can be harmful. How can one keep going when they don't have the will to go?

I feel like I should keep the small hope that I have because I can't let go of the hope I do have. Letting go of all my hope, even the tiniest sliver, means giving up for me. This is no longer just surviving for me. For many, the rebellion camps are their only hope that gets them up in the morning. Candidly, it is one of the few things that keeps me going. I don't have many close people to fight for, but I do have something I can fight for. And even if that something or someone makes you get out of bed (or at least open your eyelids; I've given up on sitting and I have no bed), it's worth it. There are people you never knew, don't know, never will know who need- want- a change but can't make it for themselves. Sometimes, like my mom, you have to be the initiator and start the flame. That small speck of light burning starts to create hope, and it catches on to other logs until it’s a bonfire. Sure they can be put out, but sometimes it moves out of its boundaries and into the world.

So basically, the small amount of hope I do have (which isn’t much) I have to keep especially when I start thinking. For instance, like I said before, how am I supposed to put up a fight when I can’t even stand?

When I look up Violet is still standing there. She must see the despair that I’m trying so hard to shove back to the darkest corners of my mind.

“Emma, we’re going to get out of this, okay?” She spares me a smile that displays confidence. It radiates around the room like sound bouncing off walls and makes me more determined than ever. This is exactly what Leader Mason wants from me: fear and susceptibility. And if this is something Leader Mason wants, I’m even more actuated. Heck, he’s never going to get what he wants from me. I’ll try to make sure of that. No, I will make sure of that.

                I scoot myself up into a sitting position, but I’m not sure it counts as sitting when I’m leaning heavily against a wall. My head makes me want to resist, yet I’m going to be facing much worse than switching positions if I escape. Sorry, when I escape. I ignore the waver and fluctuation occurring and point my eyes at Violet.

                “So what about this… plan?” I ask as my voice refines to quiet like an orchestra’s diminuendo.

                “Tonight at dusk. Patrols are not too heavy yet since it’s not quite dark, but the daylight is not the city’s Evil Eye.”

                “Evil Eye?” I’ve never heard of such a thing. Why not two eyes? And why is the eye evil? But Violet just smiles.

                “A reference. But that doesn’t matter right now. I’ll bring you some water and then we wait.”

When you’re sitting in a cell, a day is really boring. I play a game called Chopsticks with my fingers by myself, but it quickly loses its enjoyment. I must be going crazy, but I talk to the walls like a complete lunatic.

                “You know, you’re not too bad for prison cell walls. A lot better than the walls at my home. Half of them are missing!” And, “Do you know how many nightmares I’ll have in this room? I bet a reasonable amount, thanks to all the happy times in here. Thanks, Leader Mason.” I flash a finger gun at the camera in the upper corner.  I continue to entertain myself by trying to be like the salespeople on TV. “Are you aware of the crack in this corner? Hi, I’m Emma Roche. With the Crack-Be-Gone, this crack right here can vanish in a matter of seconds! If you order now, you can receive a tool to go along with it, all for the same price of 20 points! You must be 18 years or older to order.”