They Chose Me (Draft 1)

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

                My mom told me that crying showed vulnerability, that I should only show it if my opponent wanted to see me weak. But I disagree. Maybe if my mom knew the condition she left me in, maybe she would be okay with crying.

                In some ways, I think crying shows braveness since crying is associated with feebleness, that you have the courage to cry in front of others. Sometimes you need to. Other times you want to. So I cry.

            

               In my flashback or dream or whatever it was, my mom even quoted  the poem. I’ll never know what or why she liked that poem, but I can assume that it explained the state she was in since she was like a double agent.

                I didn’t remember all the details of that day because I didn’t want to. The grief and horror shoot back through my body. I tore a cut that would never heal, perhaps I made it deeper. Does time seriously heal cuts? Yes, but never scars. Scars are permanent and stay with you wherever you go, mocking your own mistake.

Did I fall asleep? Was it a dream? A memory? Or worse, a flashback? The last time I endured a flashback was a while ago, a few months after my mom and sister died. My dad and I never went to therapy because there was no therapy available. Thanks, Leader Mason!

The door unfastens and I jump with my heart. Violet appears at the door and seems shocked by my state. I hug my knees to my chest and look down. She slowly walks over to me, cautious like I’m an animal that’s been caged. Maybe I am.

“Morning, Emma,” she asks. “You okay?” Morning?

“It’s morning?”

“Yeah. I came to drop your dinner off last night,” Violet responds carefully.

“And?”

“You were sleeping in the corner, so I tried to wake you up. But then you looked up… and just screamed at the wall,” she says with a haunted face. 

At least I know I was sleeping, but unfortunately, now I know my memory-dream-flashback thing made me scream in front of Violet’s face. Wonderful. Not only will I be labeled REBELLIOUS but INSANE, too. No wonder why Violet is so standoffish.

“I’m sorry about that. I wouldn’t have done that if I could control it. That must’ve been terrifying,” I say. It’s true, though. If I saw someone sleeping and then stare at a wall and scream, I would’ve been a bit petrified myself.

“It’s fine. I mean, it was scary, but you’re okay?”  Violet asks with a wave of her hand. “I’ve seen pretty bad things.”

“Yeah, nightmare. Well, it was a memory, but still a nightmare.” Red. I shudder.

“Well, on a good note, we are meeting Leader Mason today!” She says, a little too cheerfully.

“A good note? It’s improvement, but improvement isn’t always good,” I respond with a quirked eyebrow. Violet just shrugs and makes me eat food. When I try to get up, the perfect cube of a room sways so it’s a rhombus. Violet notices my struggle and grabs my arm to lead me out.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Violet responds.

“Haven’t walked at all… since blood… taken,” I say in between breaths. Violet gives me a motherly look, which makes me wonder if she is one. I realize how much I don’t know about her, especially since she’s been a huge help focusing on me. None of which I deserve from an official.