Imperfect

Chapter 3

3 weeks Later

I don't remember when I stopped eating. It was gradual of course, and I didn't think of it at all. There were times where I thought I had eaten but really these times were just me having false memories. I also began to have trouble remembering when my last meal was. After Josh's doctor diagnosed him with leukemia my family had begun to fall apart. I have never been so apart and sealed off emotionally to my family than I am now. Josh was now the only person my mother talked to and reassured even though we were all suffering. I had not talked to my mother in about 3 days and our last words to each other were, "How was school?" And "Fine". My dad spent most of his time trying to get Josh interested in baseball, or anything to distract him. The rest of my father's time was spent on my sister. "Junior year is when the scouts come looking." He had said to her one warm night. Dad had dragged me out to watch them train but instead I was doodling in my notebook. I remember it perfectly. Jasmine stood with a soccer ball under her arm her breaths came out loud and uneven. "I think that's it for the night dad." She panted. It was then when I got the impression that Jasmine didn't want to play college sports. Only now I realized she was stuck. My father's only son was walking on a thin line and sports were everything to him. Speaking of Jasmine, she isn't talking to any of us. She comes home really late at night claiming a study group every time, my parents were not fooled.

--------------------------------------------------

I wished Aunt Pat would stay in Michigan. Every time she got a whiff of news from our family a flight is the first thing she would plan. From Michigan to Virginia is no short distance, especially when your arrival makes everything more difficult. When she rang the doorbell Sunday evening I took a deep breath. When I opened the door she grinned and tackled me in a hug. "Oh how I've missed you!" She squealed. "Where's Josh?" She asked. I scratched my head "My parents took him to the hospital for a check up." I informed her. She nodded solemnly "I'm so sorry that you all are going through this. Our brother had cancer you know, those cigarettes got the best of him I think. You're mother didn't take to well to it, almost 4 months without a single phone call to me or the family. She was pregnant with you two I think, pregnant and stressed out." Pat chuckled "you two were a piece of work even before you were born." We both laughed lightly. "Where's your sister by the way?" As if on que Jasmine walked down the stairs and smiled when she saw Pat. Auntie immediately released me and went to greet my sister. "Jazzy you're more beautiful every time I see you." Ouch. Jasmine looked over at me and instead of thanking Aunt Pat she chuckled a little and waved off the question "How are you Auntie?" Pat began to speak all about her newest husband back in Michigan. She ordered us to get her bags which we did and she continued to talk until my parents got home.

Dad cooked Josh's favorite meal for dinner and after he was sent off to bed my parents became serious. I could tell that they were tired. Bags rested under their eyes and my mother's hair was uncombed, my father hadn't gotten a haircut in about 3 weeks. "As you all know" my mother started "Josh has leukemia." There was a pause and my aunt reached for her sister's hand. I couldn't take this. I pushed my untouched dinner plate forward. "Can we skip the dramatics please" I blurted. " He's been sick for weeks so why do you feel the need to announce this over and over." I stood up from my chair. "This isn't about you mom! All you ever do is lie to us and say it's gonna be okay and then burst out in tear so everyone can pity you!" Mom stood up from her seat. "My son is dying! How do you want me to handle this." I rolled my eyes. "You're supposed to be the strong one" I glanced at Jasmine "not us". Then I went upstairs. I didn't hear a sound in the dining room after I left except for dishes clanking together. For days no one talked about what happened, my mother went back to not talking to me except now she was cold, ignoring me on purpose. My sister was even more distant, building up a wall between any relationship we had left, and my father continued to invest in my siblings and sports. Where did this leave me? Nowhere I guess.