Stranger

Darkness

I go on a journey

To you
, I'm no one


I'm worthless
, I'm nothing


I'm fat
, I'm a nobody


I'm insecure
, With my thoughts


I'm alone
, On my own


Unsure of myself
, So I change


To fit in
, To a place unknown 


To me
, I change to who I'm not


I'm misunderstood, 
Forgotten


Left in a corner
, Alone


With my thoughts


That consume me at night
, In the pit of hell


To take a journey
, To understand


To understand myself, 
To understand you


To understand this world
, Of hate


And rage
, Of others


Its breaking me
, From the inside-out


I fight
With myself
, With my soul


Of nothing
, But only my thoughts 


I go on a journey

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I feel so alive. I feel like I belong in this place. When I'm consumed by the darkness, it takes all of me. My sense of mind, feeling, and thoughts. It lets me forget everything and feel happiness in that moment. It take me to a safe place every time, a new place to explore, to learn it and take it all in. To say I love when I come to this magical place is an understatement.

That is why I'm always open armed and willing for it to consume me. This my only safe place. My drawing is only safe in my mind. Anything could happen when I'm drawing but here, no one can disturb me. No one can wake me up from this dream world. Not a single soul can disturb me because in this state, I'm too far gone.

Sometimes this place is dark. It brings back things I don't want to remember. It's like a reminder of how bad of a person I truly am. I deserve everything I get on a daily basis. I'm such a bad person its starting to get to my soul and is eating it. Eating it alive to the point of disappearing. My soul is soon to be disappointed in who I am and be here for me anymore. I'll a heartless bastard and no longer care. My soul is the only level minded thing in me.

Once its gone, I'm gone.

I start walking through a dark alley. This happens every time. I don't know where I'm going yet. I start here and I might end up in a safe place or my worst nightmare. It depends on what my inner mind believes I should go. It's so weird because its hard to explain it in words. I feel like I have the right words but when I go to put them out they get lost in myself.

Once I'm to the end of the alley I stand to one side of the wall. Maybe if I see the darkness, I can hide in the alley. Or maybe it'll just suck me in. I usually feel willing to go but maybe I can back out and wait for me to come back to my senses. Maybe if I stay in this little alley, I can stay forever. Maybe this alley can be my new home!

I look over the side and see brightness. Maybe its a safe place, so I walk out. I'm over looking a 5 year old Drew and a 5 year old me. We were having a picnic at the park with the Chadwick's, Drew and I were playing in the sand box. We always had fun in that little box. We would toss sand at each other and laugh about it.

We would try building things and at the end break it down. We always liked to say nothing last forever and break it. That day when we said it before breaking the castle I ask,"Hey, Drew? Do you think we will be friends forever?" I always wanted to stay friends and grow old together. I wanted to do everything with Drew.