Eight Boy (Jeremy Shada)

twenty three

Jeremy and I sat on his bed awkwardly, it felt extremely uncomfortable feeling out of place here, especially because this was my usual spot but the tension wouldn't leave us alone.

"Vanessa didn't seem too happy to see me," he said, breaking the silence.

"Mmm, she wasn't." I stared at my hands, I thought about how annoyed she was going to be at me.

"Still," he quietly chuckled to himself.

"What do you mean?" I inquired with a hint of urgency in my voice. "Am I missing something?"

"I bet she tells you about how much of a horrible person I am, how I use girls, how I only want them for their bodies?" He looked at me and raised an eyebrow in anticipation. "You don't want anything to do with him, don't get involved with him," he said, impersonating Vanessa. My stomach began doing somersaults and I was starting to feel light headed.

"That's exactly what she says," I mumbled. "Why?"

"Maybe you should ask her."

"Maybe you should tell me," I demanded.

"I'm the bad guy here, remember? not her," he chuckled. His amusement was irritating me even more.

"Just tell me."

"There's not really much to tell-"

"Then tell me," I demanded again.

He continued as if I hadn't interrupted him. "In freshman year she asked if I could take her virginity and I said no." He paused to let me talk but I was so mind blown that I didn't know what to say. "When she asked I was still a virgin myself, I don't think she knew that. So by the time I was having sex with girls maybe she took it personally. I just know that she hasn't liked me ever since."

I swallowed hard and the creases in my forehead felt as if they were about to become permanent. The blood rushed to my head and it felt like it was flooding my thoughts.

"She asked Theo a couple of months back if I'd hook up with her actually, so she mustn't completely not like me."

I wondered how many months ago, I wondered why she never told me how she felt about him, I wondered a lot of things. My throat became dry, I didn't know how to feel.

"That's so... So hypocritical, in a way," I stammered after a few moments.

"What is?"

"How she tells me how I shouldn't be trying to get with you when... You know... She has tried," I said awkwardly after realising what I'd basically admitted. I swallowed hard again, my cheeks were certainly flushed.

"Hang on... You?" He narrowed his eyes at me, unsure if he had understood me correctly. "You want me?" He asked with a chuckle in his voice.

I immediately shook my head before it turned to a slow nod. "But you have a girlfriend so... um, you know," I mumbled.

"I can't believe I'm hearing this," he said, clearly amused.

"Me neither," I mumbled, more to myself than him. He laid down and proudly put his hands behind his head. I couldn't handle the silence we were sitting in. "So you said we had something to talk about?" I was eager to put my thoughts about Vanessa on hold.

"Yeah we do, how much do you want me?"

"I don't know." I had never pictured this scenario in my head therefore I wasn't prepared for these questions.

"Okay well... Do you like me?" He asked while sitting up and shoving a pillow behind his back.

I wasn't prepared for this either. I'm just as lost as him, the only thing I do know is that I want to have sex with him.