Sweet Pain

Filler

I fell in love with him. I thought he was the one. Looking back I can see how big of an idiot I was. He never loved me like I loved him. In fact I don't think he loved me at all. I was more of, how do I say this? A filler of sorts? He didn't want to date me, he just didn't want to be the only one in his stupid group of friends not to have a girlfriend. Turns out I was the only one who didn't know this. When I found out I thought he could change and really fall for me. I wasted a year on him before I realized he would never love me. By that point he found someone his friends really approved of, so he left. He left and I broke into a million pieces. Why? Because even though it wasn't love, he was always there. He was someone I could depend on. So even when I say he didn't love me, it's kinda hard to see how he didn't. What guy would buy a girl flowers, Christmas gifts, out to dinner, camping trips, hiking adventures if he didn't love her an ounce? He always went out of his way to make me happy. So if I was just a "filler" why did he try so hard?

I didn't love her in the beginning. In the beginning she was just a "filler". Than she became more, a lot more. I didn't know how to tell her though without ripping out her heart. I know she loved me because she had this special smile just for me. So even , when I wanted to, it didn't feel right to say I love you. I had been lying to her for three months. The last seven were perfect and then I was an idiot. I let my friends get my a new, not her, girl. I should've walked away. I should've stayed with her. Now I don't know what I can do to get her to love me again because I'm sure by now she hates me...