[ d r u g ]

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TW// implications and/or attempts of rape, self hatred.

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it's dark outside. the harsh wind bites at my bare arms. i'm shivering in the loose t-shirt i'm wearing. i'm standing on the roof of a building, but i'm not sure which one. there's laughter coming from my right.

i turn and try to pinpoint who's causing the noise, but my head is pounding and there's ringing in my ears and i don't know how i got here. i can smell cigarette smoke coming from the source of the laughter. small flames from cheap lighters catch my eye as my vision clears up.

"hey, babe." a voice speaks from behind me. i stiffen as a pair of arms wraps around my waist. i turn to look and breathe a sigh of relief as i see who it is.

She is staring at me through half-lidded eyes. her blonde hair flowing in the cold autumn breeze as she traces patterns along my arms. i shiver from the cold and from her touch. she's talking again, but i don't hear a word she's saying. her lips are a bright pink and i can't keep my eyes off of them. i shift my focus and sneak a glance at her eyes, but them i can't seem to pull away from her gaze. her eyes are a deep blue, glistening in the moonlight and from the light of the cigarette in her hand. long, dark eyelashes bat against her fair-skinned cheeks and the freckles across her nose seem to connect and form constellations that can't even compare to the ones in the night sky above. her skin is already pale, but now seems to glow under the moon. her white-blonde hair is flowing back again in the chilling wind and i just want to reach out and brush down all the fly-aways, but i restrain myself and reach to tangle my hand in hers instead. her skin is smooth and her nails are painted a dark blue.

"hey," i giggle as she brushes away a lock of hair that had fallen in front of my eyes. she continues to stare at me and i can feel blood rushing to my cheeks. she smiles at me and suddenly there are butterflies in my stomach and radical insecurities starting to appear in my head, but i try to ignore both as she leans to rest her forehead against mine.

my breath hitches and she untangles her hand from mine to rest it against my cheek, caressing it softly as she puts out her cigarette and brings her other hand to rest on the back of my head.

i'm freaking out and giddy and i'm in love and she presses close to me and it's just intoxicating. she is intoxicating. better than any drug or goddamn cigarette and i'm addicted.

her lips are soft and i finally get to run my fingers through her hair and we've done this so many times before but it still always feel as if it was our first. she moves her hand to the small of my back and tilts her head, deepening the kiss. i'm floating on a cloud made of the cigarette smoke on her breath and the cotton candy perfume she's wearing.

i can hear wolf whistles coming from the group from earlier. we break apart and she throws a glance over her shoulder and rolls her eyes.

i feel a blush rise to my cheeks and i glare at the group. she sees looks back at me and shares a sly grin. she takes my hand and leads me off the roof and down the stairwell. i relax as the warm air starts to seep in.

the stairwell is dimly lit, flickering lights overhead. she stops and stares at the graffiti on the wall. the fading spray paint of a garbled message hypnotizes her.

after what seems to be an eternity, she turns back to me. her eyes have gone dark, and she peers at me through hooded eyes. i lean casually against the brick wall and wait as warmth slowly seeps through my bones. it's definitely warmer in here and for that i'm grateful.

she walks towards me, grabbing my hand again. "sorry for the assholes back up there," she whispers as she leans her head on my shoulder. "they can get pretty annoying.