He Wants Revenge

Chapter 48- Monsters And Goodbyes

Amanda's POV

I stand outside the same door as earlier, Austin next to me. He isn't looking at me, he is staring at the floor and his shoulders are slumped.

It's strange. It doesn't hurt. I feel numb and tired but I don't feel heart broken anymore. Yes, it hurt when I saw him with the other girl but it didn't hurt as much as I expected to.

He heard me say that I love him and not only did he ignore it, but he kissed another girl too and still, for some reason, it doesn't hurt. I don't care anymore. I don't want to care.

I guess I have been hurt so much that I have just gotten to the point where I can't break anymore.

My heart is glass and people have stepped on it so many times that now it's just tiny little shards that can't break any further.

They hit me past my breaking point and it's killing me.

I want to feel that pain. It makes me feel human. They made me a monster.

Austin knocks on the door and I hear Jessica's cheery voice, "Enter pheasant!"

I smile slightly and push the door open. I am unbelieving to the fact that this child is four. She is way too smart.

"Oh, hi Manda." Jessica smiles.  

"Hi Jess." I say and sit down on the bed she is lying on. The bed has pink silk covers over it and it's so smooth.

"What are you doing here?" she scrunches her nose.

"What are you doing awake?" I ask her and her eyes widen.

"Please don't tell mommy!" she begs.

I chuckle, "Don't worry I won't. I just came here to say goodbye." I whisper, looking down sadly.

"What? Why you leaving?" she asks, her eyes becoming glossy already, "Are you leaving Austin also?"

"Yes. I have to go home." I explain.

The little girl starts crying and I frown and reach forward to wipe away her tears, "Sweetheart, why are you crying?" I hardly knew her, I'm sure she isn't crying about that.

"M-manda please don't go. You're funny and I want you to be with Austin because he looks happy! Please." she crawls under her blankets and hides her face, "I have never seen him happy." she whispers under the covers.

"What?" I whisper. She said it so softly that maybe I heard her wrong.

"Austin's accidents made him stop liking girls and being happy and he likes you! I know he does!" she tries to tell me but I shake my head.

"No Jess, he doesn't. I'm so sorry but I can't stay." I move over and hug the little girl and she doesn't say anything.

"Are you sure you're four? Because you are seriously clever." I state and she shakes her head at me.

"I'm five." she sticks her hand out at me and shows me five fingers.

"Still clever." I mumble and ruffle her hair and she giggles softly. I stand up and wave at Jess.

"Please?" she whispers one last time and I shake my head. I hate doing this, it feels horrible.

"I'm sorry. Bye Jess." I say and then leave the room. I see Austin leaning against the wall outside.

"I'm just going to say bye." he mumbles and walks into Jessica's room.

I hear soft whispers coming through the closed door but suddenly I hear Jessica's voice, "Don't call me sweetheart! You're stupid Austin. She was funny and now she is going because of you! She won't come back!" she screams.

There is a long silence before Austin pulls open the door. I look up and I see a tear fall down his cheek. He looks up and quickly wipes away his tear, not looking at me once.

Why does this feel like it's my fault? Why do I feel bad? Why do I want to hug Austin so badly right now?

"Let's go." Austin says and then walks away from me.

I still have a headache from the alcohol and now this and I honestly feel like shit. I just want cake and my bed.

Why do I fall for the worst people so easily? I'm stupid.

So fucking stupid.

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A/N: It's weird writing this scene while I'm in a restaurant with Mexican music playing in the background. Oh well, I tried. What did you guys think? ;) xx

Song: Heathens - Twenty One Pilots (Yaaaaaaaaaaaaas)

Question of the day: If I made YouTube videos would you guys watch them *nudge**nudge* Ehh?

Lots of love and jelly tots- TPG