A Whale Shark's Ray (Free!)(SousukexOC)(Boyxboy)

Chapter 10

The news wasn't welcome.

I had hypersomnia, or in other words, excessive daytime sleepiness. My brain was fighting itself during the day. I was trying to be awake and do things, while it wanted to sleep, and continued trying to shut itself down. Hence my headaches and emotional breakdowns.

They gave me a stupid little book on how to live managing the condition, and two medications. The first, of course, was to reduce my headaches, and taken in pill form. The second was a lotion, oddly. Supposedly by rubbing it on my back, my muscles would relax, fooling by brain into thinking my body was more asleep than it was and reducing my headaches. But I didn't want this. I wanted my old self back, not a new way to have to live life because my brain was fucked up.

It affected my mood, and I startled Sousuke when I threw off my shoes and holed myself up in my room. I wanted to curl up into a ball and forget everything...

But of course, he wouldn't let me do that. It wasn't until evening that he sat down on the bed, next to me. I was curled up in a ball under the sheets. Not a very small ball, but he still sat next to me.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No. Yes. Fuck if I know anymore."

He sighed, and I felt him move so he was laying down. I felt cold. I wanted him to hold me, to tell me everything would be okay. But that wasn't something friends did. It was something lovers did, and I didn't want to hurt our friendship.

"Munto. Something's bothering you. And it's not whatever the doctor told you, whatever that is. Tell me at least that much."

Ah, but that was one of the hard parts. The second being the lotion had to go on my back... which I couldn't reach on my own. Guess that would have to wait a while. Anyways... Here goes nothing.

"It's all gone. I finally got over my addiction to water, and for what? My grandparents died days later, and I had leave everything. After high school and college, I moved out. We couldn't afford to send me back home. I immersed myself in dancing, but I got lonely. But that just ended up breaking me further. The day before I quit my job and got on the plane back here... I died, mentally. I finally get back here, and nothing changes. Same people, just suddenly there's more space. I don't why you're even still hanging around with a broken person. Shards cut, you know."

"Cuts heal."

Oh, fuck you!

"Stop doing that..."

"Doing what?"

"That weird... always-winning-the-argument-with-logic thing!"

"Why are you so upset?"

"I don't know! I'm angry!"

"Why are you angry?"

What is his deal already?!

"Because I'm lonely!"

It was as if I had been looking at myself through a dirty mirror, and then someone had come by and cleaned it while I continued to look at myself. I fell silent. It made sense. I got used to being close to another man. Not sexually, but physically, I suppose. I never did give myself to them.

Sousuke had been quiet during my reverie, but now he spoke up again.

"Anything else you want to talk about?"

I sighed, feeling limp.

"Just read the booklet on the desk if you want to know that badly, you worrywart."

He laughed at me, and I heard him get up, then return a moment later. I found myself dozing off a bit while he read, the sound of turning pages occasionally waking me. Soon, he got up again. I remained in my half-awake state until he returned sometime later. It must have been late, since he's changed into pajamas and turned off the bedroom light. In the inky dimness, he peered under the blankets at me.

"Are you going to come out?"

"No."

It was warm here, and felt safe. I didn't want to move anyways, since they'd put on the dumb lotion before I'd left the doctor's office. I'm beginning to really dislike all things medical. Come to think of it, I wonder what happened with Sousuke's shoulder. He'd been in rehab when I first met him and when I left, but he didn't seem to be doing that now.

He just moved under the covers with me instead of acting irritated. It irked me, how patient he could be sometimes. I almost want him to get mad at me at least once.

He was so warm...

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As soon as he was asleep, I pulled him close to me. Once he's asleep, there's little to nothing you can do to wake him up. At least, I can't found the proper ways yet. For now, the time when he slept was the only time I got to hold him like a lover.

His illness was incurable, and he'd likely have it the rest of his life. It was sad, that he's been though so much. Unlike me, he has trouble getting back up when he falls. So I'd promised myself that I'd always pick him back up, no matter what it took. My love for him was a wild bonfire now. It took a lot of work to keep him from noticing. Actually, come to think of it...

He's different when he's around me, like he can let down his walls and be his real self. Isn't that a sign of love? We might be two men with more baggage than necessary, but I at least wanted to try.

So I made up my mind to talk to him about it in the morning, and went to sleep.