Moodless

What My Father Was and Who he is

" Layla" a gruff voice shook me from my sleep. It was my father, but i wasn't afraid. He was smiling at me. There was no blood, no anger in his eyes, and no clinched fist. I believed he finally let go...But then it hit me. i was dreaming and my father wasn't the one in front of me.  No it was my father. It was my big Blue eyed, white smile, and happy father. But i also knew i was still dreaming, but i was dreaming what i still wanted to be there.     "daddy?" I said sitting up in my bed.   "yes sweetheart?" i held my head as high as his, but unlike him, i hid tears.   "why did you leave me daddy? why are you the way you are?" now the tears formed. My father swept me into his arms like a baby.   "i haven't left you baby, its like......i'm still your daddy Layla you just have to make the real daddy come out of the one controlling right now." His voice was soothing. i missed the safety in his voice, not the fear. Tears flowed as his grip loosened and he began to disappear.   "i'll find you Daddy....i Promise."

And like that he was gone. I was alone agian. I began to throw a fit like a child. " Daddy! i need my Daddy! My real Daddy!"

"Layla!" Father yelled as he shook me vigorously. "Layla wake up!"  i woke in a jolt and looked into my father's eyes.  "What do you want Layla!"  i was confused i never said anything to him i was asleep. "i didn't call you in here?" i said to my father in a tone that was not to get me in trouble.  "yes you did! you kept yelling for me" he said stand above me. There was my chance. i stood up on the bed and looked him in the eyes. " Are you in there Daddy?"  i asked focusing on him.  He stood blankly. I reached for him. He didn't move. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. I didn't feel his hug back but he also didn't pull away from me. "let go" My father whispered.  i let him go and sat back down on my bed. He stood in front of me with a blank stare. He turned and left.

My Real daddy was the one Trying to break through.

And i will get him back. I will get my brother back.....even if it kills me.