Falling By Clockwork

Mardy Bum

Wednesday 12th June flashed on my phone screen. My lips rolled into my mouth as I placed it back on the side. It was time to prepare myself for the day just like I have done every day of the year. Firstly, I started to make the bed. I lifted the blanket so it landed perfectly straight. Whilst raising my hands the blanket managed to knock the frame of the side of my table.

I caught my reflection in the mirrored frame as it fell to the floor. My knees fell to the ground as I inspected the frame and image for damage. Once I was satisfied there was no damage I stood up to put it back on the table. No such luck, my hand wouldn't let go as I looked at the picture.

Missing a person never gets easier. One day they are there with you and then they aren't. Your stomach sometimes feels like it's a balloon on the verge of popping. Your heart feels like it stops beating. There's so much of the missing feeling inside of me that I just wanted to scream.

It never got easier. It just got bearable. I pretended to be happy for mums sake. I guess I just got so good at pretending because I'm never asked how I feel. Even mum. She won't be coming home today. I know at some point during today I'll get a text message. There won't be a phone call or a Skype call. It'll be a short message saying she's sorry blah blah blah.

As I got ready I put the radio on. Something I did to fill the silence. I did my makeup so it didn't look like the sleepless nights have had their effects. I left my hair down and let it stay wavy so it blocked my face. Then I got dressed in black skinny jeans, a black tank top and a light red coloured scarf. Before I left the house I brushed my teeth and put on my black overthrow.

I drove to McDonald's and ordered the strawberry shake and some fries before driving to school. For 10 minutes I sat in the car. I drank some of my drink whilst I took my tablets. My stomach couldn't handle the fries so I nibbled on some of them before throwing a chewing gum in my mouth.

After I watched the video with Elle and Drew we talked for a little while and then I asked to be left alone. They both left and then for over a hour, I cried. It was like loosing him all over again. It took me over two hours to stable myself enough to call my mother and tell her I re watched the video in which she said some soothing words and told me everything was okay. She didn't stay on the phone long because she was busy with work. She was always busy with work.

I shook the thought off and watched the parking lot. People crowded around cars and others shuffled in the building in groups. My mouth was dry and I didn't know how I felt. I had to go into school. I had to act normal. My hand reached to the handle and then the bad boys came. Two bikes appeared before the black car that followed. Drew, Cooper, Benson and JJ.

They were all handsome. It's hard to not watch them together. They were dangerous. Something about them made me fearful. My fingers traced behind my left arm just above the elbow where the long scar was. It was a habit whenever I was feeling nervous or uneasy. I couldn't remember how I had gotten it, all I knew was I've had it a long time.

I snapped out of my daze when I saw Elle walk up to Cooper. It's weird to see her show affection to other people. She told me when Drew left briefly what happened at the party. They were talking when it ended and she got his number. There's always been a crush she had had on him. It's strange that she chose the bad boy. I had hoped she had common sense and realised they was dangerous. My eyes shut and I bit my lip. Stop judging. I thought to myself as I took a deep breath for the millionth time already. I could get through today.

I waited for everybody to start heading to the door before I quietly exited my own vehicle. My fingers shook as I walked. My milkshake making my tongue feel thick and my heart feel colder. The group of bad boys all turned when the cup fell to the ground. The cardboard bounced twice of off the ground sending the milkshake up and out of the cup to cover the floor.