if I could stay quiet forever
dear god please believe me I would
because in my mind no one can hear me
and I can quit saying the things that make you treat me this way.
I'm sorry okay
I'm sorry that I have more flaws in myself than hairs on my head
I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough for you so the words "fat" and "ugly" are your only words to describe me
IM SORRY IM MESSED UP OKAY
I remember getting told that forgiveness is always the right thing
but what if I can't forgive you?
as if "sorry" can fix the physical scars on my body and mostly the emotional scars left on my heart
You say the words sorry over and over again thinking that they might fix the damage you've done
well guess what when you drop a glass bowl and it breaks does saying "sorry" fix it?
no! it doesn't repair the damage made it doesn't clear up the little cracks that harsh words create and maybe for once you should consider how I feel before you tell me that I look ugly today.
out of the millions of words that are in the English language you choose the worst possible ones to say to me
and if you think "sorry" repairs how I feel you're wrong
and you know what?
I'm sorry for letting you into my life
and I'm so god damn sorry for falling in love with you because that right there was the dumbest thing I ever did and instead of leaving soft kisses on my throat you should've just slit it from the start because in the end you're the cut to my throat and your words are the poison infecting me and blinding me until my knees become too weak to stabilize myself so I fall to my death.
I remember laughing and saying you'd be the death of me but I never thought it was true I never thought that such a beautiful person could have such a disgusting heart
and I'm sorry that to this day I still love you
I'm sorry that id take you back in a heartbeat when I should be turning you away
but I can't turn you away
you use the word sorry like you would use hello
you used I love you like you used goodbye
words meant absolutely nothing to you and neither did I
so you know what?
keep making the apologies you don't really mean,
because I think it's about time that forgiveness isn't an option.
