The Pale Boy

Chapter 26: Part 2

"From the nape of her neck, he made his descent."-Alt-J

Chapter 26: Part 2

My eyes indolently roll over to Hale's angular jaw.

"Hale," I whisper, "do you believe in a god?"

By the way his jaw pulls, I can tell his eyebrows are furrowed in thought.

After a bit, he nods.

"Do you?"

"I think..." I tread lightly, trying to gather my thoughts, "...I believe in religion and spirituality. Is that enough to believe in?"

I hear his measured breathing among the brush of the birch trees above us. He doesn't answer for quite a bit, enough so that I prop myself up on my side to try and catch any fleeting thoughts across his face.

"You are very curious about my answer," he observes.

I move my head slightly.

"Yes," he articulates, "I do."

I flop back down on my back, "okay."

"Alright?"

"Yes," I say with a direct nod.

"What do you believe about religion and spiritually?"

The clouds roll through the cerulean sky, brushing along the peaks of the pines.

"I believe...I believe it gives us a cause in this world..." I'm quiet for a few seconds before I ask him a second question, "Hale...why do you think we're here on this earth?"

I chew on my lip, awaiting his answer, each second seeming to go by slower and slower before I finally roll my head over to look at him.

After several seconds, he turns his head towards mine, "What do you think?"

I pause for a second, closing my eyes and letting sun spots dance on my lids, trying to formulate my answer-I hadn't need to though, it all came tumbling out.

"I believe science can explain the order to this century, all the way back to prehistoric times. I believe people make their own choices and they intertwine with other individuals. I believe...differently than most people. People have religion for hope. I believe we are pointless, more than likely our being will not have any affect decades after we have passed. I believe we are given such an infestimal amount of time on this Earth-this Earth that has a life of over 2,000 years and we are basically a speck of dust. I believe we die when we die. I believe that is the end. And there's nothing to be quite too sad about because we won't know to be sad. We will no longer exist. I don't know if we have a reason for being on Earth; I don't believe in a pre-destined plan or a higher being. I determine my own fate. I don't know if that should relieve me or not, though...I just don't know," I whisper.

"I wish I believed in religion; I truly do, but my mind cannot seem to comprehend it. I could not give myself to religion and not believe in it, it would be meaningless. A higher deity offers comfort and assurance. It offers us a reason as to why we are put on this Earth. And I want to believe in something like that, but I can't convince myself to believe in that. So, I suppose I believe in myself..."

I trail off and after a moment I open my eyes, I turn my head to Hale's side and he's propped up on his elbow, looking down at me.

"I adore you," he softly says.

I feel my heart being grasped and squeezed, uncomfortably, but I turn back to the sky, and my eyes flutter shut once again as I find the comfort of Hale's hand.