How to be a flawless bitch and make all other hoes irrelevant

Being a bitch 101

Hello there minions, long time no see. I have been really busy lately but finally getting back to writing. I see day to day that my army of minions is growing. How are y'all? You all should either comment to tell me someone is listening of give me a follow xD sounds desperate right? Haha whatever float my goat eh? Thanks a whole lot though, for everyone reading, it means the world xoxo… Anyways for this entry I will combine both “how to be a bitch” and “how to become a bitch without losing all your friends”… or I might start writing and realize that this entry is getting long and stop. We will see. Anyways I am talking for what seems to be forever so here it goes. How to be a bitch… (Side note:  how I use the world bitch I do not mean the definition as in a female dog nor the “slag” word… this is what is most frequently used as…)

First step: Baby steps

If no one usually sees you as a bitch, do not just decide randomly to become a bitch. Grow into it, this way people will think that you are just done with their bullshit. This might be considered a bad thing, but truly… life is better when people know not to mess with you.

Step two:  Finally think you can be a bitch? Decision time!!!!

Being a bitch is not about being rude to everyone you see. It is about not being afraid of saying what you want when you want….So being a bitch, second step? Do not be afraid to speak your mind, but make sure you truly want this.   Once you become one, you cannot take back all the bitchyness you have done. Yes that is a word.

Step three:  understanding…

You need to understand that either you want to be a bitch to everyone or no one. If you choose to do this to the ones you hate only, this could cause many problems. Being a bitch is not about making people love you and then going behind their backs and stabbing them. It is about knowing who you are(or want to be) and sticking to that…and being bitchy… that helps as well xD

Remember that, just because you are nice to someone you hate to their face does not mean you are a backstabber… it just means you are mature….. Sometimes.

Step four:  Why did you need to understand the other’s minds?

To be a bitch, you cannot just play games with the opposites. Being a bitch, you need to understand that everyone will react differently, girls being a little more upset and the males... Well... Let’s just leave it at that.

Step five: Being a bitch (finally... like you were thinking I would never get to this eh?)

·           If someone is telling you lies, don’t be afraid to ask more about it. Embarrass them, make them    feel like maybe they should of not lied to you.

o   Example:
Marley : Oh hey ***insert name here**, I saw your mom the other day at the store!
you: Ummm really? Because I was pretty sure she was with me…we never went to the store

Marley: oh umm are you sure?
you: it is my mom. I am very certain. Why lie?

Marley: I was not lying..maybe it was someone that looked like her…

You: yea.. probably not….

·         Either you do the point above or you can pretend to be interested in what they are saying, of which you know is a lie.

o   Example :

Joe: (horrible lie..) Barney is not a purple dinosaur

You: oh really? I did not know that…tell me more

Joe: oh he is orange…

You: damn that is sexy.

The art of sarcasm comes in handy at this point. Actually to become a bitch, sarcasm helps a lot… would you guys want me to blog about that as well…

·         If someone is pissing you off and won’t stop do not be afraid to tell them to shut up to to fuck the fuck off.

·         If you do not like someone do not be afraid to show it… do not pretend to like them. Unless they are in your group of friends, then you need to be mature and pretend to like them…this will help you NOT to lose your friends.

Step six: Ok so you still want to become a bitch? Yes? Ok… but you idiot, do not lose your friends.

In life, you lose, gain and forget friends…but do not make the mistake of letting go of your friends because you want to be a bitch.  I have lived this first hand, a friend whom wants to be a bitch, and decided to stab all her friends while they are blinded by what are now the ruins of their friendship.  This is not what you want. Be a bitch, go for it, but do not under any circumstances betray the trust of your friends. They are the ones that stand by you no matter what; they are the ones who will be there once no one is whiling to speak to you. They are the ones that shall not be tormented while you find yourself in this bitch world that we all truly want to live in...Because it is amazing yoh, like legit, this place has cookies and rainbows and yeah… :P (thought I would add that in just because being a bitch master does not mean you cannot make someone smile or laugh… or just stare at the screen.. I truly do not know what you are doing right now…hahah)

Step six :  Now that you know you want to be a bitch…

Now that you know this is what you want. Go out there. Be a bitch. Just remember: do not be afraid to speak your mind, but be careful. Losing your friends will be your regret.

Blah blah blah blah blah

Anyways this is getting frikken long… so I will leave you at that! Oh wait.. Yeah you. The one that did not laugh at my other “joke”…. here is a joke for you *middle finger.* hahah Just kidding…:

What did the bitch master say to her so called “friend”?

She told her to flip off. That is it. Because.. SHE is a bitch, not a wimp.

Anyways I was thinking on either doing the sarcasm one next or one called “how to know if your “friend” is truly a friend or a frenemy.”  What do y’all think?

OK bye bye for now my bitch minions

Love lots Jenny, I mean your bitch master ;)