Love Is Real (Muke AU)

Chapter 10

I AM SOOO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN MONTHS! I AM REALLY STARTING TO LOSE INSPIRATION SO I READ OTHER FANFICS TO DO THAT BUT IT'S NOT WORKING VERY WELL! I have had a lot of work from school so I can't even go on my phone sometimes. So, please accept my apology!

These next few chapters will be pretty short but they are filled with lots of stuff. If you want me to update please bug me about it so I don't procrastinate.

Enjoy!

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Michael's P.O.V

I brushed my teeth and took a shower, putting on a black Def Leppard shirt, black skinny jeans, and black boots. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and noticed my hair was much neater than usual.

"Maybe Luke would like me if I had nicer hair," I thought to myself, "who am I kidding? I bet he's as straight as a ruler. Damn, why am I falling for him so quickly?"

I shook my head trying my hardest to get rid of those thoughts. Of course he didn't like me. No question. I shouldn't even be thinking like that. I can't even think straight sometimes. Well of course, Michael, you're gay.

I sat on top of the toilet and continued to think.

You know? For a long time now, I've been having this empty feeling inside. Maybe I should explain it to you in a better way.

Have you ever walked into a room with tons and tons of people, who are laughing and smiling or having a great time? And you're the only one who is not having a good time? Imagine this. You're just sitting there and a couple of people ask you, "are you okay?" You say, "yes," and smile, but, deep down inside you feel completely miserable and you feel like killing yourself and ending the terrible feeling. It feels like no one gives a damn if you are gone.

That's what it felt like from day one and that's what it feels like right now for me. Every. Single. Day. I think to myself every morning about whether I should keep living or not. And everyday I don't end it, I think to myself, "I should've done it. Nobody's gonna miss me anyway."

Ever since my parents started hating me, I felt numb. I felt worthless. I felt like ending my life. But I continue to live anyway. Something keeps holding me back from it. The cuts my parents had carved into my skin were enough to relieve the pain I suffered from every single day. I guess that's why I never had the urge to harm myself.

I feel like what I'm going through is depression. Although, I don't want to say it's depression because I feel as if though people would try to say "I can understand what you're going through." Now, I know that there are tons of people who could understand what I have been through because they've been through it themselves.

Whether it be depression, anxiety, abuse, etc. It doesn't really matter. The point is, a majority of these people will say that they do understand when they haven't been through shit in their own lives. I would appreciate it if people would say "I don't know what it's like but I will try my best to have some sympathy for you" rather than "I understand what you've been through."

I just really wish that my life wasn't like this.

I cried not just because of the bad dream, but because I felt worthless. But not like every morning when I wake up. This feeling was even stronger and the dream was worse than all of the others. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard Luke calling me from downstairs.

"Michael! Your pancakes are ready!" He shouted so I could hear what he was trying to say.

I quickly cleaned up the bathroom and threw my bag on my mattress in Luke's room when I had exited the bathroom. I dashed down the stairs, finally realizing how hungry I was.