Rejected, But Life goes on...

Part 22...

First thank you to those who are still reading this, even though I have been a horriable person & not posted in months. I seriouly feel bad about making all of you wait so d@mn long! please tell me what you think about this chapter, even though I know it isn't very long. 

Re-cap

Why in the hell is he so smart!? I though cops were suppose to be dumb…oh wait he’s S.W.A.T. Why does he understand me so easily? How did he see though me, see that I did not want to give him the chance?

*

*James’ POV* 

Even though I can understand why, I still had to be alone. I couldn’t join her in her room tonight. I just felt so horrible because I will never know just how much I have actually hurt her, even though she claims she has told me I see it in her eyes, hidden pain. Even though it would hurt me, I would rather her still be with her husband then be going through all of this. 

She tried to explain. She tried to tell me, but all I heard was pain. All I wanted to hear was for her to tell me she’d give me that chance I want, I need. I guess I shouldn’t be to shocked that she didn’t want to be with me. I’ve cause to much pain in her life already. 

If I had just accepted her right then and there, she wouldn’t have had to go through the pain of losing her husband technically being a signal mother. She dissevered better. Her and the baby deserve better. 

Her baby, A little boy would soon be born to her. She’s going to be a great mother. She’ll do anything for that child. 

Maybe I have been going at this in the wrong way. Everything she does, she does for the baby inside of her. She’s thinking as a mother now. She’ll think of nothing but the baby and what’s best for the baby. How can I show her that I am what’s best for the both of them? I want to be there for both of them. Maybe I can do this by turning the room next to hers in to a baby’s room. It’ll be blue and have all kinds of toys, a changing station, plus a rocking chair. It’ll look great! Or at least I hope it will.

Entering the room next to hers was a challenge. This room has been used as storage for a while so things have piled up. It could take me a few weeks in order to have it ready but it will be worth it at the same time. Hopefully. 

This room was filled with papers, boxes, and dust. Lots and lots of dust. But there was also some baby furniture. Old style pieces just sitting under all of this crap rotting away. Walking toward it all I began to remember it all. This use to be my nursery, and the all of baby things were mine. I was stunned to see that my parents even kept all of this. I thought they got rid of everything after I got older. 

Thinking about it now, I’m glad they didn’t get rid of this. I could refurnish them and use them for the baby. I love the idea of him growing up in the house I grew up in, and maybe even using some of the things I used. 

I’ll start with cleaning tonight and working on restoring the furniture during the day. Seeing as it was Almost three in the morning, I can’t believe that I’m willing to do this, I was and never have been a person who would clean, but for Lily and the baby, I’ll do anything to get that second chance and pray to God that I don’t screw it up. 

Grabbing one box after another, sorting through papers, and moving everything to where I am actually able to sit down and go through everything was taking hours. And I still had to go to work today. I guess I’ll go through this stuff for about an hour so that I’ll still get a few hours of sleep.

I was able to get through three full boxes, filled with nothing but paper work, and nothing important. I have no Idea why we’ve stored so much junk up here for all these years. Noticing that I had time for one more box before I had to go to bed, I grabbed the biggest one to my left and began to read nonsense. None of the paper work that has been saved matters to the pack right now. 

Getting to the end of the box, I saw that there was an old photo album. I grabbed it carefully because it seems to be filled with mold and a lot of dust. Why would someone hide an album? Opening it and seeing the first pictures, I began to know why it was hidden. They were of memories, memories that would be painful to see. 

The Album was of Lilly’s biological mom and dad. Anna hasn’t changed a bit, she looks so much like Lilly. Lilly looks a lot like her father as well, they both have a strong face. I’ll have to speak with Anna before I show Lilly, though I believe she deservers to see pictures of her father. Maybe I’ll hang one in the room when it’s finished. If Anna gives me permission anyways. 

Grabbing the album and the boxes of trash, I made my way out of the room. 

*

Trying to wake up at nine a.m. is a pain when you really didn’t get any sleep. But I really need to get to work today. I still needed to talked to Anna about the Album. Forgetting about it for a few minutes while I was taking a shower I thought about Lilly. I missed her last night. I know it’s my fault for choosing to sleep in my own bed, but I still wished she’d come to me, or I guess hoped. 

Stepping out of the shower I saw a message on my mirror. I guess sleeping alone hurt Lilly because all it said was “I’m sorry, L.” I have a lot of crap to think about while I’m at work today. But I can’t let her think that I’m mad at her. 

Grabbing a piece of paper I wrote her a quick note. “You have nothing to be sorry about, love. I know that I hurt you and that you don’t really have trust in me. I will work to change that, hopefully. I will see you when I get off work tonight. Love you, J.” 

Sneaking into her room, I her heard shower, wishing I could sneak in and join her, but knowing that would probably be a bad idea, I just left the note on her folded clothes.