Rejected, But Life goes on...

Part 20...Names and trouble

*Re-Cap*

When I finally caught up to her, I saw the tears streaming down her face. I grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug not wanting to let go. She tried fighting me, shacking her head , pushing me away, but I wouldn’t let go. “Lilly would you please calm down?” She finally stopped fighting me, but continued to cry. I just continued to hold her, not wanting to let go, ever.

*

I was cradling her sleeping body, while I walked up to her room, laid her in her bed, and began to change her into more comfortable clothes. After I had taken off her clothes, I replaced them with my t-shirt and climbed into the bed with her. 

Just holding her while she slept made me feel like the luckiest guy to ever walk the face of the earth, but when the baby began to kick at my hand it made me feel as though I was weightless, and floating on cloud 9. This little boy wasn't mine, by blood, but if given the chance I would love to be there father figure in his life, but I would also make sure he knows, even though I never met him, what a wonderful guy his biological father was. Hopefully I was given that chance. 

scooting closer to her, holding her tight against me, I nuzzled my face into her hair, and began to drift off into sleep, until I felt my phone go off. It was a ext message from my captain. 

From: Cap. Rogers

You better have a dam good reason for not coming into work these last few days >:|

Crap, I forgot about that. shrugging, and not bothering to reply, I though my phone on to the chair by the bed and snuggled back into Lilly. This was totally worth Ditching work...

****

Walking up in the middle of the night with her not in my arms made my heart drop. Did she leave while I was sleeping? Could she really hate the idea of being with me so much that she'd sneak away from me when I'd have way no to stop her? What am I thinking of course she would. I was nothing but curl to her, rejected her. No female recovers from that easily. and Lilly was no exception. 

Getting out of the bed, and getting ready as fast as I could I marched out of her room ready to go looking for her, but was stopped in my tracks when I saw her standing in just my t-shirt, holding a tray filled with food. My mouth started watering for more then one reason. "You looked surprised to see me." She stated smiling at me. 

*Lilly's POV*

Waking up in his arms was an amazing feeling. It also gave me this guilty feeling for trying to leave him earlier. All he wanted to do was hold me, be there for me, and my child,  but I just acted like an ungrateful brat. Ok, maybe that wasn't the right word, but it's true. Placing a kiss on his nose an lips I escaped from my warm place in his arms to go and hunt up some food. If I was starving, then he must be to. 

Walking to the kitchen I noticed that something felt weird. Looking down I saw why. I wasn't wearing my clothes. Oh god, that means he saw me naked, and I'm the size of a whale! Well, ok I’m not that big seeing as I fit into his shirt, but I’m missing my flat belly. 

It’s hard to believe that only five months have passed since this little miracle was conceived. It’s feel like another life time ago when Nick and I found out. But now being here at the pack house, time feels like it’s going by to fast. I have only been here a week, and yet it feels as though it’s been years. I already know my way around this huge place, and have gotten to know a few other pack members besides my mother, and James’ brother. What really hit me though was that I haven’t gone to see Nick in that time. I want to go visit him and tell him we’re going to be having a little boy together. 

Getting the fixings to make French toast out of the fridge I started to think of baby names. I knew 100% that his first name was going to be Nickolas, but I couldn’t figure out a suitable middle name.  At first I wanted it to be Nickolas Liam Ryan, or Nickolas Raul Ryan. But being around James has made me think of another option I never thought I would have to make. Nickolas James Ryan…Man why does that sound like a really nice name! 

Being around him is really confusing. Are James and I together? Or am I just the one guys love to chase until he has me and then realizes that I’m just going to get fatter as this baby grows…Sigh, I wish I had the answer to that right now. 

Finishing up breakfast for dinner, I grabbed some sobe life water drinks and headed up starts. Almost running into James on the way into the room. He looked at me with completely shocked to see me, as if he expected me to run from him while he was sleeping. "You looked surprised to see me." I said smiling up at him. 

“Well…umm…yeah,” He said quietly, rubbing the back of his head. “After you attempted to run from me earlier I kind of thought you would try it again.” He said sadly, having guilt, and regret cloud my emotions, and because of my out of wack h0rmones, some tears tried to escape, and I desperately tried to hid them. 

No such luck. 

He quickly grabbed the food out of my hands, placed it on the floor, and pulled me into his warm strong arms. “I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He said sadly, rubbing my back trying to calm me down. 

“N-no, I-it w-w-wasn’t-t y-you. I-It w-was meee, I-I Sh-shouldn’t-t h-have don-ne t-that.” Dam it, now I’m stuttering. Taking a deep breath, I try to calm my nerves. “I know all y-you wanted w-was to be t-there for me, b-but I just h-had to fight y-you. I-I’m sorry.” Dam him, and dam these h0rmones! 

He pulled away a little, but still held me tight, and looked me right in the eyes. “Are you sure you’re ok?” 

Taking another deep breath to calm the last of my nerves, I answered him. “Yes.” I smiled up at him. 

“Good.” He smiled, kissed my lips, then quickly turned to grabbed the food, and walked into the room. 

I walked after him pouting a little, that wasn’t a real kiss…Dam him, I should be stronger then this! I don’t even know if we’re really together still. Maybe I should ask. I looked at him enjoying his half of food on the bed. He looked at me and smiled with his mouth stuffed full, making me laugh so hard, that I need to go pee. 

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, I again saw how much I have changed. The day of Nick’s funeral, the life had all but left my eyes, and I looked so pale it was as if I was the one sick, but now my eyes were bright, and the color to my cheeks were back. I can’t believe being here for only a week would help me so much. 

Maybe, I won’t ask him after all. I’ll just guard my heart, build a wall around it, so when he finally left, I wouldn’t get hurt. 

Walking back into my room, I saw him sitting on the bed staring at my half of the food. He looked as though he was in pain, like it pained him not to eat it. “Eyeing my food?” he looked up at me with a small guilty smile, “Fine have some.” I smiled picked up a slice of French toast, held it towards his mouth, but quickly pulled it back and took a huge bite smiling at his shocked face.

“Tease.” He murmured. 

Laughing and almost chocking, I finally manage to swallow. “You know you loved it.” I winked at him. 

“Dam it.” He groaned making me laugh again. Uh oh, I’m in trouble already…

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