I hate myself. I am a worthless failure. I feel horrible right now. I can't stop crying or shaking or scratching myself (type of self-harm). Today my little brother told me that my dad wants to disown me... I don't think it's true but I already feel like I'm not good enough all the time. Both of my brothers are better than me. My younger brother is so smart for this age and it makes me feel stupid. My older brother is not only extremely smart but also really great in sports. And me? I am nothing. I am a worthless failure. My brothers also talk to my parents all the time but I lock myself but in my room and never come down. My parents always ask me, "What's wrong with you?" But I can't even begin to explain the things that are horrible in me. I try. I try so hard to be good enough for them, but it always feels like I'm not.
The reason why I stay in my room alone, all the time when I'm at home, is because I'm scared. I'm scared that my family will realise that I'm pathetic. I'm scared of people hurting me, because little tiny words make my mind go wild with self-blame. I'm scared that they will judge me. I wish I could just come downstairs calmly without feeling a bit of doubt and without being scared. I love them. I really do, I'm just scared of getting hurt. I fucking hate anxiety and depression.
