The Monster Inside Peter Pan (ouat)//(Robbie Kay)

Chapter Sixty Two

Alianna's point of view

All was swirling blackness, then I felt like I was being sucked into something, like I was being teleported through time. No, back in time.

Suddenly I felt something underneath me. Soft, like a mattress. I felt strong arms around me, a small weight on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and realized that I could see. I was in my bed, Pan was next to me, his eyes closed but not asleep, his head on my shoulder.

I suddenly remembered this night, one of the few nights I'd spent with Pan before I would be put to sleep. It was probably something like four in the morning but we still wanted to stay awake. Stay for each other.

I was playing with his soft hair, curling his locks around my finger as his were tracing small circles on my wrist absentmindedly. He shifted and kissed me lightly on the cheek before raising my wrist and running his thumb over the inside of my wrist. He frowned and with a snap of his fingers he lit a candle on the bedside table. It took me a moment to realize what he was frowning about; he was looking at the thin, puckering scar I had from when I'd willingly cut myself.

"You know, I could take that off if you want," he offered.

"No, don't."

"Why not?" He asked, surprised.

"Because it's a reminder. A reminder of Derek, a boy who died because of me." I felt Pan stiffen next to me. "No, it's okay. I accepted that it's my fault, but I also accepted that I don't need to feel guilty for the rest of my life. It's not going to bring him back. I just want this scar as a reminder, I don't want his memory to be forgotten."

He nodded and was silent for a moment before saying, "You're a weird girl."

"I know," I smiled.

He looked at me, his nose touching mine and smiled. I immersed myself into his absorbing, mesmerizing deep green eyes, I could see the contentment, the peace and happiness in them, and I felt like I could stay that way forever, just staring into his eyes. Suddenly his smile faltered and then faded.

"What's wrong?"

"It's just that- I'm going to miss you so much. Not seeing you, not talking to you for that many years, I don't know how I'm going to do it. I've only known you for a couple of months and yet I can't imagine my life without you anymore."

I tried not to cry as I looked into his eyes. "It's going to be okay," I whispered soothingly as I brushed my thumb across his cheek.

"You can't say that. You don't know what will happen," he said, shaking his head regretfully.

"You know what? If things ever get too hard and you need to talk to me, talk to the moon. It'll pass on your message."

***

Everything went dark and when I could see again, I realized it was another night, another bed.

Pan and I were laying on his bed, my head tucked in snuggly against his shoulder. He was stoking my hair softly and my eyes were drifting shut but I didn't want to fall asleep. We were both exhausted but we still stayed awake for each other.

These were one of my favorite times of the day. We were so exhausted that whatever walls, whatever limits we had on what we would normally say to the other were completely gone. We just said the first thought that crossed our minds without thinking about it.