Alone

The Big Reveal

I'm walking home from school, my heart beating a thousand times a minute, beads of sweat dripping down my face, my lungs tightening, as if someone had their big, clammy hands wrapping around them, and my legs shaking and vibrating.
The cold, moist air leaving tiny little drops of condensation all over my face, chilling my body.
I walk across the street leading to my house, and I start to feel light-headed and dizzy, so I blatantly step into traffic. Swoosh! A car rushes past me, the cold air blowing into my face. I step back, that was close.
I cross the street, looking at my house, a small little brick duplex, nothing special. "This might be the last time I ever step foot in it again", I mutter under my breath. What I'm about to tell them will change my life, for good or for bad.
All the years of confusion,depression, anxiety, and fear would lead up to this moment.
          I walk up the stairs, and I pull the rusty, old key out of my pocket, and I slide it into the hole, twisting the key, opening the door with a loud squeak.
             I see my mom and dad sitting on the old burgundy couch in front of the small black tv we bought when we first moved in. I join them.
      "Hi mom,hi dad", I say in a nervous tone.
           "What's wrong honey?", my mom asks me. "Did something happen at school?".
    My dad is just sitting there with a concerned look on his face.
      "No, school is fine mom, it's just that, I've got something else to tell you"
   "Well what is it?", my mom asks me, with a now worried expression on her face.
   I'm about to say the two hardest words to say to someone in the English language. My heart's beating even faster, my palms are as sweaty as a pre pubescent, anxiety ridden kid about to ask their crush on a date for ice cream with their mom, and my whole body is trembling. With a burst of courage I open my mouth, but when I speak, nothing comes out. I try again and again, my parents becoming even more confused than ever, until I can finally form the words.
      "I'm gay".
    "What?", my mom says, a mixture of confusion and anger in her voice.
        I look at my dad. His whole face is bright red, a vein is throbbing in his upper forehead, and his eyes look like they're about to pop out of his head.
        "ALEXSNDER RASKALVOV! YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! YOU'VE BETRAYED THIS FAMILY! LOOKING AT YOU MAKES ME SIC-".
    That's when I realized that he didn't care. Neither did my mom. All the nice thoughts I had about them were gone.They're not loving, caring people, they're shallow, selfish people. I can't take another moment of their yelling and humiliation, I burst into tears. My parents don't love me, they hate me, they hate me for something I can't control. I didn't choose this. Why would I choose to be lonely, confused, mocked and unwanted every day of my life?
       The tears are pouring down my face like a river, when they stop yelling. My mom cut him off. I can see the look of disappointment in their eyes, but my mom has a hint of something in her eyes, empathy I think.
     "I'm sorry Alexander, but you can't live here any more. I can't condone your choice to be gay."my mom says to me.
"Fine"I say, in a clearly not fine tone of voice. "It's not a god damn choice though, you ignorant jerks.", I say in a harsh tone of voice.
      I turn around, walking towards the front door, looking at all the photos on the wall. They had me in them, me and my parents. I was gonna miss this place so damn much, I couldn't bear the thought of leaving it. All the memories that took place in this home were coming to an end.
But I don't have enough time to think about that. I see $20, a key, and a lighter on the window sill right by the door. I swipe it and put it in my pocket as I open the door and step outside. That would be my last time in my house.