A Fresh Start...In England??

Chapter 6- Caught up in the moment

(Charlotte's P.O.V.)

Ever since I can remember I've been surrounded by people who think I should change.

Constant judging.

Taunting.

Whether it was my mum, my dad, my teachers, my "friends", society.....

There had always been this want, this need, this aching for change.

There was this constant voice in my head saying:  

"You're not good enough"

"Your mum and dad don't love you"

"You're friends don't like you"

"You're ugly"

"Disgusting"

"Worthless"

The voice was agitating, and would always say hurtful things.

Sometimes I could control it.

And other times I couldn't.

The only thing I knew for sure was that it was always there, and that it would always be there.

The media was the worst of it all.

Since my parents were involved with some "High-up-people" within their jobs, they'd sometimes get invited to parties by these people. (black tie events of course) As time went on, they'd get invitations to more and more, as they grew to be more successful.

When they couldn't schedule for a babysitter, they'd bring me along with them, and so from a young age I learned how to dress, and act sophisticated and polite. That was the only way to "fit-in" with the crowd my parents belonged to. They always were judging how people looked, what they spoke about, how they acted, what they wore, their eating habits; the list was endless.

One day I think I was around the age of 11 at the time, I heard someone talking about me on the way back from a bathroom break. I hid behind a corner making sure not to be seen or heard as I listened cautiously to the conversation.

Renée and Talia were two of my mothers co-workers, and two people I thought I could trust. I could go to them for anything. Or so I thought...

" Did you happen to see the Edwards' daughter? She's a little rough around the edges if you know what I mean." I heard Renée say

" Yes, I agree. Her mother might want to keep an eye on her weight, she seems to be gaining it pretty quickly." Talia replied

"I do feel quite sorry for her parents, having to bring her out in public looking the way she does. With all the photographers and editors here, you'd think she would've left her child locked up at home with the nanny."

Talia scoffed, "Maybe her parents should start watching what she puts into her body a bit more, or else soon enough she'll look a bit more like Judi's daughter, poor thing; having the mess still living at home at twenty-three."

"You'd have thought she would've gotten rid of her by now," Renée continued, her voice now too soft to understand as they both continued walking further away.

I was shocked at how my mother's co-workers were speaking of me. I felt ashamed of how I looked and broken by their words. I wasn't a person, just a charity case to be mentally nipped and tucked at. If only my parents could hear them now.

After their conversation has ended, I spent the rest of the night alone crying in the bathroom. I suspected my parents to spend the whole night looking for me, but they hadn't. When the party was over, I found them at the bar, drinking together and chatting it up with none other than Renèe and Talia. I told them I wanted to go home after all, it was almost 2am. They had said their goodbyes and we left shortly after.

When I had gotten home, I kissed my parents goodnight and headed off to my room. Little did I know that's when the voice would start taunting me.

I looked in the mirror and was horrified by what I saw, I girl with a round face, a tummy, big legs, out of shape arms...

I felt disgusting.

Ugly.

Fat.

Humiliated.

Worthless.

From that day on, I decided to keep myself in check. I always made sure what I was eating was written down and chaptered each day like a book. I'd asked my parents to get me involved in more sports like swimming (on top of tennis) and I started using my mums exercise machines regularly. 

I had become cautious of my well being and how I was spending my time. I keep my days filled with schoolwork and exercise and my stomach full of water and vegan foods my mother would have. I thought I was doing pretty well for a while and that I'd be fine. I kept getting positive comments from my mother's colleagues and she would bring me along to more events. Even the voice in my head started to slowly fade away.

I didn't know that things would actually get worse as time went on, not better and that that little voice in my head would keep trying to come back.

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