UNEDITED
metias
song of the chapter: midnight city // m83
carson left. he said he didn't want to this anymore. he didn't want to do us. i don't know - what to think - i keep replaying our conversation over and over again in my head.
"why are you here?" i asked him. the smile on my face was evident.
"i think we should break up" he said as he closed the door to my room. at this point we should've already been having sex. but we were not. which was upsetting, and was about to get more upsetting after what i heard after this.
"i . . . don't want to be with someone who can't admit they're gay." he says.
my eyebrows furrow, what does he mean i can't admit that i'm gay. we were dating.
"i am gay carson, that's why i asked you out." i say.
he does this thing when he's nervous or anxious where he played around with his fingers pressing the tips of them together or something. which is what he was doing now. "but, i'm openly - well my parents and close friends know but - you're not. your mother doesn't know, neither does your brother, you even have a fake girlfriend metias!"
"so what this never bothered you before." and at this point i was getting a bit angry, counting to ten in my head over and over again before i did anything drastic. carson starts walking around the room, "well, it bothers me now. i'm tired of sneaking around, i want to be with you metias - in public i want to show you off!"
i didn't say anything. i didn't know what i could say to stop him from breaking up with me. so i let it happen nothing to say that i didn't want to break up.
so i let it happen. and now i'm laying in bed not asleep at 1.am. my mother was on a date and i didn't know where ben was. it's not like he'd tell me where he'd be going if i asked anyways. he and his friends, kennedy and silas have this secret hang out or something.
it was the gayest thing ever, and this was coming from an actual closeted gay. i don't even think they were hanging out. they're probably fucking each other there. i mean no one really hanged out anymore. i mean gay or straight.
i could just go down to the café if i had the fucking keys. which means i'm stuck here. laying on the red avengers bed sheets wallowing in my own self pity. the 'being single' instagram posts were are lies. no one likes being single. i mean i could call up laurel my fake girl friend. but she was the most annoying person i have ever met.
i don't even know i asked her to be a cover up for me - well she doesn't know she is exactly - but still. i thought she was nice, and she is, and she's also so fucking sensitive. like even when i compliment her she'd take it to offense.
like once we went on a date and i told her she looked 'hot' and she classified it as objectifieying women. and then she asked what i liked about her and i said she was the smartest person i knew (which was a lie, i'm the smartest person i know) and she said to stop saying that because that's what she was most bullied on.
and then i couldn't take it anymore and left. but my good natured mother had me call her a few days and made me say sorry. i should be out.
i pick my phone that lays on the desk next to my bed and failed up a friend. "hey parker. we're going to that abandoned tree house near river park."
"what the hell man its one-fucking-am" he says. his voice is hoarse but i knew he was not sleeping.
after about ten minutes of trying to get him to agree to this he finally did.
and now i'm in his red Toyota Corolla.
"tell me why we're going to an abandoned tree house near a lake at one am again?" he asked. his blond hair was sticking out in random places and his sea green eyes looked tired.
"because i was getting bored watching porn at home." i say, and it was sort of true. my right hand has been tired these past few weeks.
"i jerk off then be here." i glared at him and he waved his hands around like he was surrendering to a cop or some shit. and then he put his hand on the steering wheel.
he rolled his eyes as if he couldn't believe that we were doing this. i couldn't believe we were doing this. i could see cars passing by, and the police sirens of a car my mother's ex boyfriend was in so i ducked.
he couldn't see me now i think. i was hoping we'd be turning two different ways.
parker looked over to me and he had an expression that suggest 'what the fuck.'
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Ok so i lied this chapter was not longer than the other lMAO but i sweAR yall is2g it will happen. also im shipping my own characters before they even show romantic interests in each other nice.
if anyone is reading this at one am, (it's one am here) happy new years yall bc this is when im posting this cuz i got bored n couldn't wait till Tuesday. bye lmao.
