3:53pm- Winter Vacation:
You're spending your vacation browsing tumblr as a normal routine during vacations. As your music is blasting from your headphones, you scroll into the dark side of tumblr. Memories crash in like a tsunami of darkness. You try shaking off these feelings but you can't, you shouldn't even be feeling like this. You have a loving best friend, a boyfriend and a loving family... But you can't help the tears coming down like rain, caressing your cheeks as they fall. You wipe away the tears with your thumb and try to get a hold of yourself but you can't. The unbreakable girl finally broke.
4:57 pm- Winter Vacation:
You're covered in the thick dark fog of depression, controlling your actions and thoughts. It's been a hour and you've still been crying, you put up your walls and continue to scroll through the depression posts, self harm vines and suicide gifs.
"Snap out of it (F/N)!" You say to yourself.
This thought can't penetrate your actions and you continue to sink further and further into this sea of darkness. You try to escape this feeling but you can't break away from the ball and chains of your thoughts, drowning you, pulling you in deeper.
Idiot... Failure... Just kill yourself already... Waste of air... Fat... Disgusting... Just get over it... Stop over reacting... Ugly... Pig... Etc...
December 30th, 3:17 am- Winter Vacation:
You lay on your bed as you continue to drown into your thoughts.
Sometimes life isn't for everyone... You think to yourself. You start planning how you'll end your misery.
"This needs to be perfect... 'Accident'...? Hanging...? Pills or maybe bleeding out...? I need to do this so no one gets hurt." You've planned it in your head and it's up to your suicidal standards.
"First I gotta break up with
(BF F/N), then I gotta break off all my friendships and then make everyone hate me... This all has to happen at the right time and the right place." You think to yourself.
You plan to bleed out in the shower after all your friends' birthdays and events you'll have coming up soon. You know by now that you won't be at your own birthday.
"Which date would be perfect...? Which date....?" You ponder.
4:07 am- Winter Vacation:
Perfect
This plan was perfect. You had topped off the plan and it had met your suicidal standards.
"Perfect....." Your last thought before slipping into slumber.
Perfection....
