You've been thinking a lot these past few weeks. You've noticed new things, felt different emotions... Everything was different, you've had a new perspective on life. You've noticed how soulless and miserable people are behind broken smiles, how some people walk and how it shows their personality and feelings. It's funny how you're being to figure out life and its wonders when you know you're about to die.
4:07 pm- January 9th:
You've been ignoring everyone and become more distant, but nothing seems to be working. You and your boyfriend (BF F/N) texted you this morning,
i love you
Those words hit you like a bullet to the chest. You decide to ignore it and continue your day of drowning in your thoughts... Eating away at you...
Do it already! JUST END IT!!
You ignore it.
7:44 pm- January 9th:
You've noticed you have been getting more tired and less motivated to do some of your favorite things, or do simple things like go to the bathroom. But... Whenever you try to go to sleep... You're never able to. It feels like something is clawing away at your chest, telling you to just jump.... Die already...
3:41 am- January 10th:
You've made it to the bathroom with the all the strength you had; emotional and physical strength. The reason you came to the bathroom was not to fulfill your humanely needs, but to kill yourself a little bit quicker.
Blades...
The word floats in your sea of thoughts like a buoy. You pull down your pants to reveal the damage you have already done the past week or so. You sat down on your cold bathroom floor. Most people would image that you would be crying at this point, but you weren't. You had an emotionless face that expressed nothing but said a million words. You look down to your thighs. Then your hand that contained the razor. The back to your thighs...
You felt like crying but nothing would happen, you felt nothing. You didn't care what happened to you at that time. You worked the blade like a butcher cutting meat. Every cut was precise but was deep yet messy. You felt your face heat up and your eyes water from the pain, you weren't going to cry.
If no one cares about me... Then why should I care that I'm getting hurt... You think to yourself at your cut open your skin.
4:02 am- January 10th-
Your arm is tired by the constant slicing motions. You grab abit of toilet paper to clean up your thighs. You get up, throw the toilet paper in the toilet, flush, and walk back to your room like nothing happened.
Proceeding to walk into your room, you collapse on your bed crying. Frantically searching for your stuffed animal (BF F/N) had given to you. It has become sort of a safety blanket for you, you hug it when you're stressed, lonely, depressed, etc. It reminds you of him...
I'm going to miss him... You say to yourself, while thinking of the future.
Goodnight... I love you too...
