Letting Go...

When I met them again, at school, my friends and her, I didn't tell them anything. I was as normal as I could be. Faked as hard as I was capable of. Whenever I saw someone coming I prepared myself.

As I sat on my usual seat in arithmetic class, Tony, the person I have called my best friend for a decade exclaimed,"Hey! I know you enough to guess that you have no real human plans on new year's eve so thank me for saving you. Come over to my place and we will have so so much fun bro!"

My heart took two turns. I smiled brightly. "I thought you will never ask dumbass."

We laughed. I felt a wild tear dropping and deftly turned to hide it. He didn't notice it. Fortunately.

Mr. Dore, the arithmetic teacher, taught in his usual monotonous tone. My mind mostly thought about my place in his life. Will he miss my presence? Or will he completely ignore my absence? There was only one way to find out.

I smiled for no reason. It was surprising to think how insignificant me and my life was to those who didn't know me.

Somehow I got it through to the end of the class and left the class with Tony. He told me about how pissed he was that his parents didn't give him the console he wanted on Christmas and how they had to come to school even the day before new year's eve even if it was only a half day.

We had another period, English, and then we went to the canteen for lunch. That is where I met her, finally.

All the practice I had, all the self-talks, all resolves crumbled down as I saw her enter the canteen through the huge plastic door. She hit my conscience like a sledgehammer. I wanted to go to her just then and tell her all. But that was not the plan.

I took a moment to behold her. She was walking and talking to one of her cheerleader friends. She was laughing to what the girl was saying and she looked beautiful, as always. The skinny jeans with high plump shoes made her already long legs look longer and the alluring cardigan acknowledged her curves perfectly.

Her free hair bounced as she laughed and the natural waves in them appeared to have a life of their own. I knew how they would smell like bubblegum. She always liked to keep a free lock of hair that somewhat concealed one of her eyes. Eyes that were big and round like the ones in anime.

I always thought this to be her party trick. The peek-a-boo created a supernatural effect. As if it was there waiting to be seen but then it was ethereal and too perfect for a man to see.

When her friend left, she looked around; her eyes searching for me, and then, they met mine and for the moment love touched us.

A grin spread through her face. She hurried towards me.

"Hey boys!" she chimed.

"Hi Ezzy." Tony replied.

"Hi, love!" I exclaimed in the sweetest voice i could muster.

"Alabu too!" she said with glee, pouting her lips and shaking her head. She was so child-like. So innocent. So oblivious of the guilt she was causing to my heart.

"How is my bae?" I queried.

"She is very very happy! My dad gave me his old Honda and now we will go to long drives on it and then I will have my head on your shoulder as you drive and we will listen to songs and it will be PER-Fecto!!"

She seemed so happy. My guilt intensified. I couldn't tell her. The plan had to change and I changed it. The last moments with her would have to be precious. I wanted to take her laugh as memories, and not a mascara smeared face with tears.

The moments passed by faster than time. Two more periods were gone. I was still taking inspiration from God's creation when it was snatched away. It was time to go home.

"See you at the party bro." I smiled at Tony.

"You must wear you tuxedo dear. You look drop dead gorgeous in that! And we will dance too. So romantic. I love you!" She kissed me.

Tingles went through my body as lips touched lips and heart touched heart.

"And don't you dare be late." she said bossily after breaking off from the kiss. The kiss I wanted to linger with. Remorse passed my face and for a split second I was out of form.

"Is something wrong?" she almost caught it.

"No, nothing." and that was the first lie i told her.

===========================

And now I am at my bed. The bed painted red with my blood. I don't feel the wound anymore, its just a numb feeling across my neck. I just stare at the stars through the window on my roof. I will be one of them in a short period. Everything is going according to plan. Ezzy must be dancing at the party with another guy who would look after her. I mailed Tony my consoles and gave him all my game CDs.

I wrote a note for my parents explaining it was not their fault and that I had a lot to bear with and that I had to give up at some point.

I closed my eyes now. It was getting hard to keep them open. Strangely I got excited. That made my heart pump blood faster and how innocent the heart was. Pumping hard but to its own end.

A cheerful mood resided over my mind. Dying felt so easy.

*

But something was wrong. I could hear sounds. Someone calling my name. So my parents were home from their get together. It didn't matter, it was too late anyway. But as the sound got closer, it got more and more familiar. My brain could only process the smell. The smell of hair. Of her hair.

I started to panic. This was not planned. She was not supposed to be here.

"Babe! I am so going to scol-" Her voice stopped as she opened my door. A gasp came out her mouth.

"Oh babe, oh babe..." She ran towards the bed. Grabbed my hand.

I opened my eyes. She wore the red velvet gown. The one she had worn on our first date.

Her red mixed with my red. We were red in love.

"What have you done?" She whispered.

I smiled sheepishly,"I couldn't live without you. I love you."

"I love you too. More than the stars, the galaxy and the universe combined." she said.

I believed her.

We kissed, or rather she kissed and I tried to kiss. And that filled the emptiness that the blood left. Our kiss stopped only when the sound of fireworks filled the air.

"Happy new year, I love you." And we kissed some more.

She made me smile. As the last bits of life trickled down my vein, I murmured "Goodbye, Love" and then darkness took control. Only her face stayed out in my memory as it faded and faded and traveled to a different realm. I finally let go.

THE END

This is kind of an extra special story for me. Thank you for reading It. Please vote if you liked it and comment your feelings. I would love to hear them!