Dumb and Dumber

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Author's note:

Inspired by the very famous, very ridiculous movie, starring Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels. No, this is not a fan fiction of the movie - just a basic description of the twins.

Enjoy!

"Julianne, Julianne, wherefore art thou Julianne!", Jason called out swinging between the lamp posts as Tyson and I followed him on the sidewalk. How did I get stuck with these two knuckle heads any way? Oh wait! That's right... 'cause my so called 'family' decided, "Okay, lets leave the house really quickly so Jules doesn't have anyway of getting to school and has to spend the day with her idiot brothers, who seem to find  the stupidest things amusing." I'm not kidding. That's literally what they did.

The twins, being stuck with me, first dragged me to the mall to "check out the prospects" and after being chased round the mall by the chubby mall cop for stealing his segway, we sat in parking lot and split a coma inducing ice cream sundae. 

The better half of our afternoon was spent in Nate's "bachelor pad", where the twins challenged each other to 'Call of Duty', the prize to be won being the ever "glorious" poster of Jessica Ashley that Jason had ordered online. I, on the other hand, gave myself up to the capable arms of Jeffery Archer. Well more like read a couple of line and texted my boyfriend, Danny, the remaining time. (Yes, I have a boyfriend, and no, its not very surprising.)

Of course, my brothers don't approve but who are they to judge? Sans Nathan, whose steady girlfriend is too adorable for life, the twins share an obvious (dis)taste for the trashiest girls in our school. Locker room gossip always features an exclusive on them. Even Zach has the cutest thing for a girl who, ironically, is nothing like him. Stephanie, however, is a class apart. She shares a love-hate relationship with the aforementioned Tony, which now seems to be in phase - love.

"I hate him!", Stephanie's voice echoed through the house as she stomped in and slammed the front door behind her. My mistake - phase hate, which automatically implies the end of all the ice cream stashed in the house and a non-stop rant on all things Tony beginning in 3... 2... "I mean who does he think he is?", Steph burst into my cozy haven - the library. I guess it was my turn to listen.

She flopped down on the couch opposite mine, picked up a magazine and began flipping through it.

"I mean sure he - "

"Steph", I interrupted. "At least let me get the ice cream and tissues up here before you begin."

And so began yet another tale of "overly-attached" girl and "cheating" boy, and when asked why she repeatedly went back to him,she answered with the same old reply, "Because I love him".

"Is it a crime to love someone too much?", she asked amid salting her ice cream with her tears.

"It is if the only person getting hurt is you. You have to understand-"

"Dad's here!", Tyson interrupted, as the twins burst into the room.

"Excuse me, but if you want Jules to listen to your problems, you need to take an appointment." Steph's voice was slurry and her nose was runny. She was a mess.

"Shhhhhh...", they hissed. "I think he knows", Jason whispered.

"Of course he knows, dumb ass", Stephanie said, a little too loudly and was once again showered with a chorus of sh's. "The school emails the parents of the absentees.", she explained.

"We know that.", Jason whisper-yelled matter-of-factly. "That's why we broke into the school office and changed our contact information. We gave them Neil and Harry's numbers as Lorelei and Dad's."

"Tyson! Jason!", Father bellowed from downstairs. "Get down here at once!"

All of us trooped down to watch the twins get yelled at. Father was sitting at one end of the long dining table while the twins cowered at the other end. Father never usually got angry, but when he did, you'd shit your pants and wish it were Satan, instead of Father, yelling at you.

"So, how was school today, boys?",he asked coyly. "It's a trap!", Admiral Ackbar screamed in my head, and I bit my tongue from laughing out loud.

"Fine, fine...", Tyson managed to mumble, but neither of them looked Father in the eye.

"So, I received an interesting phone call today.", Father continued, sensing that they weren't going to own up to what they had done. "Want to tell me what you've done?"

Neither of them dared to answer this time. "A, Mr. Lorenzo called from a certain mall that you have been banned from entering into. Ring any bells?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"If I recall, the last time you were in that mall you spray painted 'BOOBS' across Mr. Wickerson's store window.", he rose from his chair and walked across the table. His towering frame sent a shadow of impending doom over the shivering twins. They didn't dare explain to Father what sort of drunken state they had been in when that event took place.

"Now if your mother were here, she would have said--"

"Paul Deveraux, don't yell at the poor children!", a chirpy voice called from behind him. Mom! Back home!

"As if they could help it! After the stories you've told me I'm surprised your children haven't done worse.", she hugged her tall husband from behind. He just stood there, mouth gaping like a gold fish.

"Lorelei!", the twins bolted across the table to the open arms of their rescuer. And once again, the eerily silent house was filled with laughter and a great deal of relief (much to the twins delight.)






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