The Real One (Sequel to Her Only Wish)

Guilt

          I had decided to give my scissors to a friend, Justine. She was and still is one of the people I trust most, but now that I think about it she's always helping everyone and she's almost never asking for help, I had already shown her my cuts and she knew I was going through a tough time with myself. Everyday she told me to stop but as I had asked, she never told anyone.

          As the days, classes, hours and seconds passed I realized that what I was doing was more than wrong and that I had to stop.

I can't remember what day but I think it was in the second week of November, at lunch, I decided I would tell my friends.

"Girls, there's something I need to tell you." I said. "I know most of you have read my book 'Her Only Wish' and that I told you not to take it literally but it's true."

"Gab! Wha- why didn't you tell us sooner!" Florence asked rather loudly.

"Justine already knows what I'm about to tell you and I– I– fuck, this is harder than what I thought– I haven't been doing better. Truth is..." I wasn't able to tell them I was cutting, it was to hard. I knew another other way for them to know, I showed them my left wrist and in a second I was engulfed in in bone crushing hug by Marjo, who was soon joined by Florange, Ana, Justine and Alex. I wanted to cry and scream but I wasn't able to.

          After that hug, for the days and weeks that followed, the girls kept telling me to talk to someone about it but I didn't want to. Even if I had told most of my friends, I kept cutting with other scissors. I was angry that I had left my sixth grade best friends, because I knew that they needed help and I left them. Fanny she was the girl that hid herself, I was the only one that was able to break her, Meagan, she had always been bullied because she used to be such a liar but it was more a habit than anything else and Sarra, the joyful girl that cheered everyone up but when she was the sad one no one cared, I was the only one there for them, and I left, broke every contact I had with the girls that were there for me and I was there for.Not knowing where and how they were hurt me so much.

Thinking made my 'condition' worse, I blocked every good moment, thing and person with the bad parts of life, I let guilt guide my actions and thoughts.

Right after school, I took a big pair of scissors and drew the blade on my skin multiple time feeling blood, sadness and guilt poor out of my veins. Afterwards, I cleaned myself and the scissors and put them back in their place.