This Is Reality

Chapter 24

I slightly nod and head into the woods. Dodger had walked away about a half hour ago, she couldn't be too far.

"Dodger?" I call calmly

No answer

"Carol sent me to tell ya that you're food's done..."

I pick up a trail that's not too old. It's her boot, I know it is. I follow it aways, every so often calling for her

"Dodger?"

No response, I was at a creek again.

"What is with her you creeks" I tease knowing she had to have been here, a warm smile on my face

"They're relaxing" Dodger's voice finally fills the air

I follow her voice across the creek to a log, it sends a chill down my spine. She was holding her left wrist.

"You okay?" I ask not getting any closer

"I'm fine" She is still terrified of me, you can hear it in her voice

"Carol sent me to tell you that you're food's done" Standing where I was, I could see blood slowly dripping from her wrist. Dodger, what are you doing...

"Oh okay. I uh will be there in a second. You can go back, I know the way"

"You sure? I'm just checking" I try not to sound bossy

"Yeah, I'll catch up with you..." She stood up and moved her hands behind her back. She had slit both her wrists, I saw them. Sadness came over me, just like when I couldn't see her

"Dodger w-why..." I could barely speak without crying

"I-I'm fine please, just go back, I-I'll be right behind you..." She knew I saw what she had done

"I don't want to leave you behind again... Never again" I slowly take a step towards her. When I do this, she flinches and takes a step back not taking her eyes off of me

I take off all my weapons, including my knives. "I won't hurt you, just let me see them" I put my hands up as I take another step towards her

Her eyes are still full of fear as I slowly make my way over to her. I take the knife, Carol's knife, from her hand.

"How'd you get this?" I ask

"B-before I walked away I-I took it out of her pocket..." She answers quietly

I toss the knife to the ground and look at her wrists.

"They're not too deep" I take a clean rag from my back pocket and wrap one of her wrists

"I-I know. If I went any deeper I-I'd cut a vein, then bleed out..."

"Come on, let's get you back and clean you up. Carol cooked up some squirrel for you" I say calmly looking into her eyes

"Just give me a second. I'll follow you" She looks down, avoiding eye contact

"I'll stay with you but I'll give you space"

"Please, just leave me" Dodger pleads stepping away from me towards the creek

I pick up the knife and my weapons. I leave her be and sit on the log she was on before. She knelt by the flowing water and put both her arms up to elbows in water. I could hear and see her trying not to show pain but I knew it was painful. I went over and sat next to her,

"It's alright to cry Dodger... I haven't gone a day without crying since I left ya..." I confess

She doesn't look up at me, she just hangs her head and cries. She collapses onto herself, I wanted to pull her onto my lap when Carol's voice rung in my head, 'Don't be forceful'

"May I?" I ask quietly, holding out a hand

Dodger shakes her head no and I take my hand back. She still needed space but she needed to come home.

"I hate askin' you all these questions but could I at least carry you back..."

"Will you leave me alone?" She asks quietly

" 'm sorry Dodger..." I look down and mentally curse myself

I sit next to her as she calms down. She needed to calm down but not here.

It wasn't too long before she took her arms out of the water. I watched her dry them off and the blood had stopped pouring from her arms. Cuts ranged from her wrist to mid forearm. I just wanted to pick her up, hold her close and never let go.

"Dodger..."

"What" She answers, almost a whisper

"Please don't ever do that again..." In my voice you could hear guilt, this was my fault

She stands up and starts heading back to the church.

-Dodger's POV-

When I left Carol and Daryl, I needed to get away. Seeing everyone so happy and how they all acted like I was fine was too much. I was hurting on the inside and I didn't know why.

I wandered off until I found a creek and sat on a log. Pulling out Carol's knife, I looked at my reflection in the blade. All I saw was a monster. I wasn't who I was before. It killed me to see myself like this. I couldn't figure out why, but I couldn't help myself from putting the blade to my skin. Each time I went across, I felt no pain. I just sat there and watched my dark red blood emerge from the thin slices.

Watching the blood drip, I heard footsteps and a voice. I quickly put my hand on top of my wrist, trying to hide the cuts. Daryl emerged from the trees to tell me my food was done. I tried to hide my hands behind my back but he caught a glimpse. He was so upset and disappointed. He wrapped my left wrist but I took it off and put my arms into the creek. The cold water entered the marks, stinging.

When he told me it was okay to cry and ever since he left me he's been crying, I couldn't hold the tears in any longer. I didn't cry because he missed me, it was the pain. The pain from now and before. He isn't the same person I knew a week ago. I don't know who he was.