Noël

First Time

"Just relax." Her voice sent shivers down my spine. It was dark, but the dim summer moon illuminated the room just enough with its shimmering silvery light. I stared into her big brown eyes as I studied her face. Her round stubby nose. Her perfectly arched eyebrows. Every little detail seemed to stand out perfectly against her smooth caramel skin. "Noel." Her heavily accented voice awoke me from my trance.

"Are you alright?" she asked as worry lines dotted her face. "We don't have to do this if you're not ready." she said pouting. "No!" I interrupted. The power in my own voice startled even me. "Shhhhhh!" she warned, "Do you want to wake your parents up?" she scolded. I shook my head. "No, I'm sorry," I started, "I do want this, I just," I stopped short. I just couldn't seem to find the words. It's like she had put a spell on me, and I momentarily forgot every motor function I'd learned over the past eighteen years. She had me exactly where she wanted me. We lay there, staring at each other for a long time.

The warm summer breeze blew lazily through my slightly open window. Faint sounds of Miami nightlife drifting through the thick air. How did we get here? My mind started to wander. Her name was Akila and I had met her three years prior. I remembered it like it was yesterday. I was video chatting with my then boyfriend who lived in Jamaica. It was a regular night. I had come home from school and finished my homework early. I heard the familiar tone of Skype connecting and waited patiently to be greeted by his smiling face. Instead, a woman popped up on the screen with a broad grin and bright eyes. "Hallo?" I heard her say.

I stumbled over my words. "Hel......Hi there?" What was happening to me? I felt my heart start to race and my hands get clammy. My whole body felt hot and it felt like there was an icy fist around my heart.

Pause. A girl answered my boyfriend's phone just now. "Excuse me but who are you?" I spat. Whatever I felt a minute ago, it was long gone and was now replaced by a jealous rage. "Hol on byaby, it's not what you tink." I heard my boyfriend's voice from the back of the room. "That is Akila, my friend from school. I told her a lot about you, and she wanted to meet you." I immediately felt guilty. "I'm so sorry Akila, I thought," she cut me off. "Oh! No problem gyal. I understand. Plus, you are too pretty to be worried about little old me," She said with a wink. My heart did a back flip.

She handed the phone to my boyfriend and sat on the bed towards the back of the room. My boyfriend was going on about something but, I could barely pay attention. I found myself asking more and more about Akila and before you know it, I was talking solely to her and he had faded into the abscesses of his room, and my mind.

Fast forward three years later and here she is. Laying in my bed, completely naked and in all her beautiful glory. We had started talking at the beginning of the summer and had fallen madly in love. She traveled down from Atlanta just to see me because we could not bear to be apart from each other. She would stay with me in my house, secretly for the weekend.

"Noel." she touched my hand. I jumped slightly. She does things to me that men cannot do. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end and a cold chill went up my spine and throughout my body. She saw how I was reacting to her touch and smiled broadly. "I think you're ready." She whispered as she got on her knees and slowly moved towards me. "But," I wasn't able to finish my sentence.

Before I could get the words out, her lips were doing a forbidden dance with mine. Where her lips touched mine erupted with flames of passion that continued to course through my veins all the way down to my toes. She climbed on top of me, pressing me down into the bed and pinning my hands firmly in place under her weight.

I couldn't escape, but I didn't want to. She did not take her lips off mine for one second as she slid her thigh between my legs. "I love you," she sighed between kisses. My intensified pecks were her answer. She freed my hands. I grabbed her head and entangled my fingers in her long flowing locs.

She started kissing my neck, travelling down my body slowly leaving painful but pleasurable hickeys in her path of love destruction. She hovered over the middle of my chest and looked up at me with a knowing smirk. I pulled her in closer. She kissed down my abdomen and paused right above my treasure. She looked up at me and I looked down at her.

"Noel." She slurred. All I could do was stare. "You're mine now." she said before she abruptly plunged into my waters. It felt like an atomic bomb had gone off. My ears were ringing, my eyes were watering, and my hands were grasping wildly at the bed. All I could feel was her tongue exploring me in ways that I didn't even know were possible.

Flash backs of myself singing hymns and attending Sunday school raced through my head. I thought about my crucifix I heard clammer to the floor when she attacked my body. I thought about the holographic photograph of Jesus that is a staple in every Nigerian home hung on the mantle in the very next room whose eyes seem to follow your every move.

I thought about my family, and friends and what they would think. What am I doing? I thought to myself. This isn't right. This isn't my religion. This isn't my culture. At that moment she grabbed both my hips and flipped me over in one swift movement. I felt her push my chest down towards the bed to make my arch deeper. I knew what she was about to do. I loved every minute of it. Fuck everything else.

She leaned down close to my ear. I could feel her heavy breathing on the nape of my neck. "I'm about to make you my bitch." she sighed. She then grabbed me from behind with both hands and shoved every inch she had packed in her bag deep inside me. I remember letting out a loud scream, surprised that my parents didn't come running.

She grabbed my hair, pulling my head back towards her and pushed deeper. I broke to pieces with each stroke. She reached around and grabbed my neck. "I need you Noel." she moaned as she gripped me close to her chest with one final thrust. I felt myself falling towards the bed unto my stomach in slow motion. That's the last thing I remember before it all went black. "Oh fuck, I definitely like girls."