Noël

Savory

I closed my eyes and swallowed the last of the savory meal I just ate. I had to owe to Mali. She was really an amazing cook. I stared down at my uneven nails with the remnants of what was purple paradise peeling off. I fiddled with my fingers for a bit, listening to whatever was playing over the overhead speakers softly. I played with my dull lifeless hair, that hung lazily from my scalp. I barely had any makeup on. For some reason, I just could not shake this feeling. I did not feel like I fit in here, at least not yet. I mean, three weeks ago, I was in my principle investigators lab with not another care in the world but finishing protocol before the lab closed for the night. I had no idea that there was a coven of sexy lesbians just waiting to be discovered. The question was, did I even like this?

I looked up at Mali who was now across the table. She seemed to move in slow motion as she threw her head back and laughed at whatever Jordan was going on about. Her teeth were immaculately white and her bronze skin looked perfect under her red robe. That was the difference between Mali and I. When she walked into a room, people would stop what they were doing and stare. She had such a presence, one that screamed and demanded for attention. Attention that was well deserved. She was so confident with herself. But, who wouldn't be? She had it all. She was drop dead gorgeous, she had money, she had friends. I shifted my gaze to Jordan. Her hair was short and perfectly sculpted to her head. Her strong jaw line ended in her full lips that were always kept in a deep sea of whatever color she felt like wearing. I had to just wonder what on earth they saw in a girl like me. I always struggled with my self esteem growing up, and now that I was grown, nothing had changed. I just hid my insecurities really well. I contemplated what I would be like if I had half as much confidence as Mali did. I started to think about what Serena had said in our little confrontation in the parking lot. The scary thing is, she was absolutely right. I don't belong with Mali.

I felt her familiar smooth hands embracing me from behind. I turned my head and smiled. She returned the gesture. "You done?" she questioned, eyeing my empty plate. "You bet, it was, there are literally no words." I shook my head. "Oh, come one, you don't need to flatter me." she pushed my shoulder playfully. "Why not?" I questioned. "You're amazing. " She stared intently into my eyes, and I could feel the fire in my stomach igniting again. She brushed the side of my face with her fingertips as she studied my face. Banging of glassware startled us and we looked in the direction of the commotion. One of Mali's friends was banging their knife against their wine glass, in an attempt to make us kiss. I looked at Mali in horror as the rest of the room joined in. Jordan ran up beside her and started waving her hands in the air, urging the crowd to grow louder. I buried my face in my hands, too embarrassed to make eye contact with anyone. What did they think this shit was? A fucking wedding reception? Then a scary thought passed through my head. I snapped my neck up to look at Mali, who was staring at me with a devilish grin. She must have known what I was thinking because she wagged her finger in my face while giving me her famous look.

I remembered what I was feeling before, about not belonging in this place and I contemplated running out the nearest exit I saw. I could always call my friends to come and get me and I would never have to see Mali again. But then again, I probably would regret it for the rest of my life. I brought my eyes to meet hers, and closed them in anticipation of what was to happen. I felt her lips brush mine tenderly for a brief moment before an eruption of cheers filled the air. I open my eyes to see everyone clapping wildly. Mali held her hands over her mouth laughing. I had to admit, I was eating this up.

I leaned into Mali's ear and motioned for her to come closer. She brought her face close to mine, sweeping her hair away from her face and behind her ear. "I have to go, I have to go back to school." She drew her head back, with a look of disappointment on her face. "I cannot leave all my guests, I'll have Jordan take you." She turned swiftly and made her way through the tables to where Jordan was standing. I saw them have a brief conversation and Jordan look my way and motion for me to follow her. I hastily navigated to the door at which she was standing nearby and made an exit before anyone asked any questions. We had made it all the way to Jordan's car when I remembered I left my clothes upstairs. Jesus, Noel, seriously? I scolded myself as I doubled back inside. I swung the front door open and rushed in, running right into Mali. "Shit Noel, what's the rush babe?" she asked catching me with her arms. "I'm sorry, I just left my clothes." I said shaking my head. "You mean these, she held up a small plastic bag." "Yes, thank you, when did you have time to do laundry?" I asked, surprised. "I'm that good." she said winking. I shook my head and turned to leave. "When will I see you again?" her eyes looked as if she knew I would try my best never to do just that. "Soon." I tried to smile. "You always were a horrible lair, Noel." Mali said taking a step towards me. I looked down. "Talk to me, what's wrong?" she asked pulling me closer to her. "I think," I hesitated, "I think we are just moving too fast." She stepped away from me. She looked entirely hurt. Great! I deserve human being of the year for this! I thought to myself. I'm a professional at fucking things up. She blinked a couple times and then smiled. "I don't want to rush you sweetie, we move at your pace." she gave me hug and then turned and left. What the fuck just happened?