She Never Knew...

Why?

It's been 4 months since my girlfriend left and somehow I've managed to keep going to school even though everyone there including my so called friends hated me. I sighed heavily as I walked into school it was the last day before winter break and my parents made me go to school. How great was that especially when all i wanted to do was be at home playing video games to keep my mind from wandering down that horrible rabbit hole again. Sadly that didn't happen and soon my mind wouldn't be my mind anymore it'd be some dark hole filled with loneliness. The last thing I want is to go back to that state of mind again. It was horrible. You started tearing up just at the thought of what happens when you get into that sate of mind. You try to suck it up before anyone sees you and like always you do cause thats what always happens. You walk into 1st period with that oh so believable fake smile you pull. "Hey (y/n)" your ears rang with that familiar voice as you turned and sat down "Hey Lily" you said softly while looking down refusing to look up at either her friends. You didn't want to see the disgust and hatred they looked at you with because they knew how much it broke you inside and they would've laughed as they saw you break some more. Of course to them it was just some funny joke but to you it was torture everyday it got worse. You were scared that one of these you were gonna break and that was gonna be it no more torture no more pain because you wont feel anything.  That day you went home and went into your room plugging in headphones and singing while your mum slept. While you sang you slowly started to tear up and soon cry because you were terrified to death to speak to your mum about anything but school because you didn't know how she would react. Soon she woke up and got up telling you to come eat you only nodded keeping your head down as you hoped you wouldn't be crying still you couldn't help it. You went to open your mouth but nothing came out only tears and your mum looked at you worriedly as she grabbed your hand and you cried for five minutes straight "Hey (y/n) what wrong sweety why are you crying?". You didn't want to tell her so you shook your head but she new "Your lying whats wrong?". A deep breath over came you as you calmed down looking up still crying as your voice was shaky. "I-I think i want help..."you said slowly starting to sob now. She looked at you with a soft smile "Is that what you wanted to tell me?". You nodded as you heard a soft giggle come from mum you thought to yourself 'oh no i fucked up didn't I?'. "Honey if you think you need help than we will do anything it takes to get you help". You nodded once more before explaining why you didn't tell her sooner that including you were scared and didn't want to cost her more money since your family was tight on money as it is and she just shook her head "I don't care if it costs money if you need help that comes first". For the first time a genuine smile spread across your face.

There we are new update hope you all enjoyed more to come...