So, I haven't been on lately. It's not only because I was spending time with my family, it's also because I'm trying to change. I mean, I didn't change completely, Im still that girl who obsesses to be a character that she knows she'll never be. However, my family has been realizing that for over five years, I've had this unhealthy obsession with Harley. I wanted to be like her in every possible way (not the homicidal part though). I wanted to be the real life non-homicidal Harley Quinn, and although I sometimes knew this wasn't right, I went ahead and tried even harder to be and understand this comic book character-- this cartoon.
She made me happy when I was her, she made me have so much confidence to the point where I would feel so sad taking off all the makeup, the costumes; and all that would be left was me. Just me.
My parents figured that she was making me more depressed so they wanted me to pretty much cut her out of my life. But let's face it, I can never do that. She's a part of me now, and if I lose that part of me, then I'd feel nothing.
Of coarse looking back, since I was SO young, I've always wanted to become someone else. I wanted to be Pocahontas, then I wanted to be Nancy Drew, next it was Lara Croft-- A female version of James Bond-- then, Harley. Harley was special to me, so that's when I stopped looking for someone to be, because I felt like I had her somewhere inside my soul, and that I just had to take it out. But that doesn't change the fact that I wanted to be someone else for the longest time.
But was that truly normal? Well to be honest I don't know.
However, to try and make my family and myself happy, I'll try and take this obsession down quite a few notches. Of coarse I'll still roleplay as her, I'll still cosplay as her, and maybe even make videos about her and do the things I'd normally do. But I will try not to obsess over her.
I will admit, I look different because well I have bangs and dyed my hair completely black. But I barely changed otherwise.
All that I'm trying to do right now is find myself, because I lost it somewhere in the beginning. I really don't know where to look, or if I'll ever find me, but I'll try. Maybe then I'll be happier, hopefully then, I'll understand who that reflection is, looking straight back at me in the mirror.
I would like to say to you guys, thank you all for the support, especially Keira_Videl TheJokerr marley_quinn WickedQueenSelene and everyone else who roleplays/talks to me. I truly do appreciate it.
~The Admin~
