Voices Off Camera

seven - oh, calamity

In spite of what Lanie had said about avoiding the subject of Jess, I decided that on this particular Tuesday I would explain to her my love for Lanie. I had not seen either of them at school today, and although I knew that it was just a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, it still left me feeling a little anxious. Nick and Calum accompanied me at the cafeteria table where I explained to them my situation.

"So you've liked Lanie for how long?" Calum asked, a hot chip crammed in his mouth.

"Two years."

"Yeah but she wants to keep it private, that's pretty weird. I'd go for Jess any day, she's hotter and she'd kiss you in public," Said Nick.

"I want Lanie though," I shrugged, biting into my apple, "I don't think Jess even likes me much anyway. Apparently she's still not over Dan Johns."

"At least he's realised that a girl doesn't want a twig for a boyfriend," Calum said to Nick, gesturing towards my apple. "First time I've seen him eat in about 3 years."

"I'm right here you know? And I drank chocolate milk here yesterday. That still counts."

My remark was ignored by the both of them, as I followed their gaze I saw Jess making her way through the corridor. Without a word I got up and followed her.

"Jess!" I called out when I had caught up. I had only run about 20 metres but my breath was difficult to claim back after it had been lost.

She spun around. I was scared that she would hit me in the face but even more scared that she would kiss me and say something nice. I was greeted with a simple smile and her hand against my back.

"I need to explain something to you," I said quickly, eliminating the possibilities of a compliment or kiss to get in the way.

"Sure."

"Do you want me as a boyfriend?"

She bit her lip. "It's a bit too early to say that, Jay. But you're really cute and I'm interested in you."

"Okay... Well here's the thing. You're really great and I've loved getting to know you and I hope you'll still be my friend - but I've liked Lanie Jackson for two years, and I just found out she kinda likes me too....."

"Oh," Said Jess. At this point her emotion was unreadable. "When did she tell you that?"

"Yesterday," I then added quickly, "But she's liked me for a while now she said."

"Yeah," She said, a puzzled look on her face, "Yeah that's alright."

"I'm sorry."

"No it's okay, I'm just experimenting anyway."

We parted ways down the school hall. It made sense now, she was just experimenting - there was no initial attraction but rather for the first time she wanted to see what hanging out with the obscure introverted kid was like. However I was glad that although I had accidentally let what Lanie had told me not to tell slip, Jess and her would be on good terms based off her reaction. I would explain this to Lanie in English class and then we would be able to express our feelings towards eachother more publicly. For as long as I could remember I often found myself encountering numerous vivid daydreams involving myself and Lanie holding hands down the school halls and kissing in corners. Now that my guilt had vanished, I was extremely excited to show that world that Lanie was finally mine and experience what I had wished to experience for too long. The bell went and I had reached my English classroom in record time. I waited for Lanie to appear next to me, and after a few minutes she had.

"Hey," I greeted her with an uncontrollable smile that stretched from ear to ear. She gave a small hello in return.

I moved my chair over towards her so that our bodies brushed against eachother and rubbed her arm, interlocking our fingers together. She pulled her hand out of mine and I gazed at her with furrowed eyebrows. As a response to this she said, "We're private, remember."

"No we're not," I smiled, her arm in my grasp once again, "I explained everything to Jess, she's totally cool with it all."

Again Lanie squirmed out of my grasp. "I told you not to tell her," She said flatly.

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter, she's fine with it. She didn't even like me anyway."

"Okay...," Lanie said slowly.

"So what's gonna happen now?" I asked eagerly.

"I dunno, Jay. I'm really tired now. We'll talk about it tomorrow."

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry. That's fine, we can do that," I said.

"Thanks," She said lazily, managing a small smile and lightly giving me a nudge in the hip.

"I forgot how much I missed your Mums' pizza until yesterday," I said. Unsatisfied with the way the conversation had ended, the only way to keep my mind off it was to start a new one. I also hoped that bringing up yesterday would remind her of kissing me.

"Yeah," She replied slowly.

I left it all there. It was no use. My mood had dropped from 100 to 0 in a matter of seconds and the one who could bring it back up again was her. I hoped that she was just tired and not in the mood today, as if this was her permanent state I would have been filled with bad thoughts. I prayed that this was just a temporary mood swing phase that I would be frequently be dealing with in the future. As dealing with something negative involving Lanie was far better than dealing with nothing concerning Lanie at all.