Voices Off Camera

eleven - the hospital

It was Sunday. Last night I had passed out during the middle of watching The Office with my Mum and little sister, and as a result had been sent to hospital. I woke up in the hospital bed with a drip in my arm and muffled voices coming from either side of me.

"Mum, what's happening to Jay?" My sister asked her. Her name was Emily and she was a sophomore at the same highschool as me. We had our similarities and differences. She was popular at high school and I was not, although she was humble about it and never boasted about anything. Like I had previously been, she was a runner and a good one at that. People told us that we looked similar although we told eachother that the other was the better looking sibling. She frequently told me that I was lucky because I got better grades than her, or used to anyway. We always helped eachother out. Now that we were both older she would tell me how to look good for other girls and I'd tell her about what boys do and don't like. We got along well, and for that I was grateful. Calum and his brother for instance, did not get along well.

"He's going to be okay, he'll be up soon," Mum replied solemnly, oblivious to my awakening.

"I know, what I mean is why does he do this to himself?"

"I couldn't tell you, Em. I wish I knew," Mum said. I felt guilty for something that was out of my control. Doctors often questioned Mum about my eating and how it was going unnoticed at home. I had my tricks, like watching Cassie of skins, my favourite television show, and surprisingly finding that her method of pretending to eat works well. But the main reason that Mum didn't notice was because she took care of everything. Her ex husband, or my Dad cheated on her with another woman when I was 3 and Em was 1. Mum didn't seem to care about it now, but Em and I proceeded to hate our Dad. Because of what he did it was up to Mum to take up the parenting roles of two people all by herself. She didn't mind though, and the household would frequently crack jokes about how much of a dickhead our Dad had been. We'd all laugh because we knew that to hear his name didn't break her heart anymore. She was happy.

I rubbed my eyes and faced the people to my left and right. "Hi," I said guiltily.

Mum passed me a chocolate bar. "Look what you did to yourself, you stupid boy - why would you do that again?" She added. She was not angry, if anything what she said had lightened the mood.

"Sorry," I said, my mouth full of chocolate. It was the best feeling I'd ever felt. My god, I could eat forever if the guilt didn't come with it.

"Get used to seeing the specialist every Thursday, don't you just love that."

"Mum!" I whined, "Mum, please don't send me there again. Please."

"Good try," She said sarcastically. "Why don't you try again, that's how good you are at it."

I snorted. Only my mother could manage to use sarcasm in a situation like this. She could be sad when I was asleep and crake jokes as soon as I woke up. How I was related to her, I didn't know nor understand.

Em glared at her with furrowed eyebrows. I knew she was worried. Although we hadn't spent much time together lately we always had been and would remain to be best friends. "Why are you sad, Jay?" She asked, squeezing my arm.

"I'm not sad, Em," I lied. But I would tell her, just not here or now.

"Yes you are. You stop eating when you get sad."