Let's rant

1.1.2016

It's a new year yay and I've survived on this planet; double yay. It's so amusing to see all the new year's eve cutiyapa on snapchat hahah. Free entertainment. Yay snapchat. I've been to soo many places through snapchat, it's my favourite app. I mean, I've virtually visited Rome, Ooty, been clubbing, and everywhere else where I'm never going to go. How educational. The internet is a nice place and snapchat is amazing. Period. But, I'm going out of topic. I was to talk about 2015. Yes.

So 2015 has been one hell of a wierd year. So much fandom drama. Zayn left, we cried, mother scolded, etcetera. Also, boards. Shit, I screwed  up and I've seen more failures in this year than I have all my life combined. I have always been an above average kid. Studied last minute, topped the class. But, college is difficult and bad and mean. And I can't work with or for things I don't have an emotional bond with and college never felt like home. School did. Hence the results. But, but, I've realised that I'm never going to get the comfort I'm looking for and institutions where I decide to study are going to keep changing and I can't be a baby about it so I need to grow  up. So I did, and I did pretty well in my first semester in degree college so izz all okay.

Apart from academics, my year was all about my confused and disturbed self. I spent all of 2014 and quite a lot of 2015 to fit in. To fit in college, stupid ass social groups and fit myself among mean girls which I couldn't so I let go. I'm happy I did. The start of the year was me seeking validation for myself and keep up with the people around me which is stupid because that is so not me. The year ended with me being content about myself, being me and not caring about this fucked up world. I'm a responsible and sensible 18 year old who doesn't need validation! So I'm happy that this year happened because now my head is clear and I know I don't need to push myself into socialising if I don't like it and I can just dislike the world and not be like the people around me. I feel like I'm talking about two years like, 11th and 12th grade hehehhe idek.

That's the problem with society. They tricked a 16 and 17 yaer old into feeling that if you're not going out like the people around you, there's something wrong with you. Hell no. I'm fine with being home with my siblings and cousins who are not mean and coy to me and don't go around stealing my people and my crush heh.

So this year, I came to terms with myself and I'm happy that I didn't let myself flow away with the trends that came my way. Also, I've grown soo much as a person. And writing makes everything better. I just feel good. I also used social media and the internet to learn so many things. I met some amazing people who I never want to let go. They made college better and I miss them because we're all in different places now. But it's all okay. In this new college people know me by myself and I don't have my brother taking care of me and I'm having wierd ass boys around and he's not there to scare them off but I'm taking care of it. I think I am. But I feel independent and strong heh so it's good. This has been a major growth year for me. A lot of it was shitty though. I mean you can't have an entire year full of good only or bad only. It's an amalgamation of good and bad and it kinda worked for me. Well I don't really believe in all this new year bullshit. A new academic year is a new year for me. That's how my brain works. So like, 12th grade was one year and 1st year of degree college is another. Whatever. You know what I mean right?

Also, also, I've spent this year on worrying about this little boy thing I have in my head. I've basically never had to worry about 'ohhh I like his boy as a person and dayum I'm having feelings shit' except for this time. It was always 'wow this boy looks yum and wow he's pretty' and whatever. So this shit messed with my head a little but I took care of it.

So yeahhh. That was my entire year. But I wouldn't want to change any of it. I wouldn't have met the people I did if I change something. I wouldn't have been in places. So it's good the way it actually turned out to be. I should write a rant about junior college and degree college separately. I'm doing that sometime soon.