•You find your lips tugging at the corners
•You find they are trying to smile
•You do not know why that, in this time where you could almost cry, you smile with instinct.
•Oh but perhaps it is habit
•You've made a habit of smiling at your demons.
•You are not sure why you do it, you say
•But you know you have lied
•You do it for many things,
•You do it to hide.
•You do it to pretend
•That it has never ended
•You do it to fake it
•Until you finally make it.
•You do it to pretend everything is fine.
•But you are not fooled
•And neither are your friends.
•They can see behind your eyes,
•T H E D E M O N S L A U G H I N G
•B A C K
•Oh but do they know?
•Or is it perhaps just one?
•The one you trust the most to tell it all.
•It was a mistake
•To tell them your pain
•Because their bones are broken enough already.
•But now they see
•All the illness in you
•And smiling won't hide it
•Because they know about that too.
•I refer to myself as you
•Perhaps to pretend none of this is true
•To pretend that it is not I who smiles at her demons,
•But instead you.
•But that is wrong
•Because it's been me all along.
•And love, I know you can see behind my brown eyes.
•I know you see the monster I am inside .
•I'm a fuck up, I'm so sick
•I shouldn't be here
•And you're the only reason I live.
•I'm so sorry
•For being here
•I know you hate me
•But you I can't leave.
•Thank you, for putting up with my shit
•Thank you for pretending this isn't.
•I know it is though
•I know I'm awful.
•My dear,
•I love you so.
•And I smile to pretend it doesn't sting that you can't say the same,
•Smile
•At
•My
•Demons.
