Psychopath Diaries

Thursday, September 4, 1998

                   Thursday, September 4, 1998

Today was kind of an odd day.

First off, after Dr. Ledel and I had our hour session, and I had gotten up to leave, he had grabbed my hand and sort of held me back. Now unless otherwise spoken of, doctor to patient relationships are strictly hands free, so even this little yank of a hand was enough to surprise me just a bit.

He did, however, quickly realize what he was doing, and pulled back his hand swiftly. It was all so fast, I wasn't sure if he had done it at all. After he had pulled away he was shifting around in his seat like a restless child and playing with the ring on his finger.

I hadn't left yet because I assumed he wanted to say something else. And he did. Ill try and recollect this best I can.

He had asked me to sit back down. I was hesitant at first, because this wasn't a usual thing for him. He was normally very professional and all of this was very out of character for him, but I sat down mostly out of morbid curiosity.

He said he had forgotten to ask me a few questions, wanted to make sure he asked before I went. He was stammering quite a bit at this point, which was out of character because he usually spoke with confidence, and poise. This is how the conversation loosely proceeded after that:

"Alright, ask away" I said, incredibly curious at this point.

"Well, strictly for therapeutic purposes, I-I," clears throat rather obnoxiously, "I would like to know your plans, er, uh, I mean, whereabouts for this weekend. Well I mean for the rest of this week, y'know" he said with a slight nervous laugh.

"Strictly therapeutic, huh?" I said, smooth as melted butter.

"Of c-course." He was blushing very visibly at this point, and was getting increasingly sweatier.

Now Dr. Ledel is no Brad Pitt nor is he a Johnny Depp, or any other relevant pop culture hotty you can think of. He isn't, however, terrible looking. Actually you could say hes on the moderately hot side, depending what you're into I suppose. Hes 5 years older than me in good shape, with salt and pepper hair, slightly stubbled face, and fading green eyes.

I looked into those eyes at that point, and smiled.

"Well in that case, besides working, I think this week is looking pretty lazy. Seems as though my schedule is pretty much free." I had put my elbows on my knees at this point, looking at him with my signature smirk. He wasn't able to meet my gaze.

Of course he wasn't, the embarrassment had completely taken over at that point. He took out his handkerchief and quickly dabbed at his forehead which was perspiring profusely.

"Look. I think you know where this is going, and clearly I don't do this with any of my other clients. I wouldn't even think of it, but I don't know what it is about you thats just so, so." He gave up trying to speak at this point, but his eyes finally met mine.

For once in my life I felt a pang of something unrecognizable. It started in my stomach and worked its way into my chest, and unlike before it didn't make my head fall, but rather made me feel a sense of happiness? Pleasure? Whatever it was it felt sort of wonderful I suppose.

"Well, like I said before, it will definitely be a lazy week for me, you have my number, call me." I stood up at this point, headed for the door.

"Molly?" I stopped at the entrance of the door, but didn't turn around. "I'll see you Saturday?"

I nodded, "Ill see you Saturday."