Psychopath Diaries

Monday, September 10, 1998

          Monday, September 10, 1998

I had a dream last night, and it was... disturbing. Really disturbing. Actually really, really fucking disturbing. Which is highly abnormal for me as I'm not easily disturbed. Dreams rarely get to me because I'm highly practical and I have a strong sense of reality. This dream was another story.

It began normal enough.

I was with Felix, and he was walking me to the door of my apartment. We were talking, who knows what about, and then we reached the door. I expected, at this point, for him to kiss me, and he did, but on my temple.

The moment his lips touched my head, an indescribable pain shot through my skull, pulsating all the way down to the bottom of my feet. I woke up, my back arching in pain. Except, I hadn't woken up, for when I opened my eyes I wasn't in my bedroom, but in a sort of chair with straps and a man standing over me. It was just a moment, but I swear I heard the man say my name.

It was like my dream merged into another dream, but it felt like I had woken up. I hadn't, of course, but for a brief moment, it felt so real. I could've reached out, and touched that doctor. I could've pulled against the straps restraining my wrists. I could've screamed at the top of my lungs, begging for the shock wave coursing through my body to stop. But it was over so quickly.

I was awake again. Really awake.

My body was trembling, my head was pounding and I was absolutely drenched in sweat, but I was awake. Thats all that mattered to me in that moment.

I still have a migraine, and I've been popping pills like candy since this morning.

God, that dream was so fucked up.

I think I might call Felix.

Scratch that, what I really need is a talk with Dr. Ledel.

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12:24 pm

I discussed my dream with Felix, and he asked me to come into his office around 5 to more thoroughly assess the dream. He also told me to bring my journal. I guess writing our interactions will become a regular thing. Which I'm actually pretty okay with. Kinda wish we had started sooner.

Hes never had me come in at an unscheduled time before. I guess these are the perks(?) of dating your therapist.

Free analysis.

What a dream.

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5:22 pm

I'm in the lobby waiting for Felix to call me in. Its odd, this will be the first time we've seen each other since our date and its to analyze a dream so he can assure I still have a firm grip on my psychopathy.

And reality for that matter.

Jesus this guy has a time issue. 'Meet me for dinner at 8', shows up nearly an hour late. 'Come into my office for analysis at 5', nearly a half hour. Testing my patience. Thats what hes doing. Well lucky him I actually took my meds today.

Cathy keeps looking at me like I have three heads. Up until now I never really payed much attention to the receptionists appearance. Suddenly its grabbing my attention. Her shiny blonde hair, and deep blue eyes almost make me feel threatened. Weird. Ew shes looking at me now.