billet doux

c i n q / c i n c o

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀j a n u a r y⠀o f⠀t h e⠀y e a r⠀2 0 0 4

i hold my hand out and run my thumb gently on the velvety petals of the rose for seemingly the hundredth time today. three days has passed since nicólas gave it to me with no clue whatsoever about whom it was from and i've been trying my best to keep it alive.

part of me wants to assume that it was james, although i know that expecting too much only leads to disappointment. and if it turns out the rose had been from someone else, i cannot blame my heartbreak on someone other than myself.

"what's that?" eve's voice resounds, taking me by surprise. i stand up trying to block her view, of course it was too late and she'd already seen the rose on the table top. her confused reaction fade into a smirk, "you have an admirer?"

at her question, my whole face turns ultimately red, "no." i say but it comes out more like a question than an actual answer. i know eve isn't going to let this go.

"you totally do,who's it from?" eve cranes her neck to catch a better view of the flower lying limply on my desk, she slowly advances towards me and when she finds the right time to grab the plant, she does. my eyes widen in terror as i start mentally preparing myself from the non-stop teasing i was about to face.

"no tag?" eve inquires while she examines the rose's structure, "who gave it?"

i swallow the saliva building up in my throat and like the total idiot i am i answer, "nicólas."

"aha! i knew you liked each other!" she exclaims, her lips forming a full-blown smile.

"no, it's not like that! he just ga–"

"it's okay el, i wont tell anyone." eve 'assures' me before placing the rose back on my desk and exiting the room.

i release a breath i didn't know i was holding and tried to keep myself together. my sister was never going to let me hear the end of this. this might just be the most humiliating day i have survived through yet, or so i thought.

the next day was even worse than the previous one, i should have known eve would tell her friends about it. they kept glancing my way during lunch making me even more self-conscious than i already am. my chest cheeks feel incredibly warm and i can already feel my emotions glazing my eyes with salty liquid. i blink slowly hoping it would stop the tears from falling whilst mentally cursing myself for being overly sensitive.

just then from the corner of my eye i see emilia whisper something to clementine, who looks over to me. that was all it took for me to burst into a fit of sniffles and tears. i stand up which grabs everyone who was seated in our table's attention before fast-walking out of the dining hall.

opening the doors to the hallways, i end up crashing into something—someone—james. the impact made me look up and ended up looking ay him straight in the face with my teary eyes and cherry-colored nose. his smile immediately drops and his dark eyebrows knit together, "eloise? what happened?"

i shied away beneath my platinum strands, shaking my head. imagine my surprise when leans down and parts it to reveal my soaked cheeks before he asks once again but a firm face this time, "what happened?"

my trembling lips part finally, "i-i just got a bit flustered." i told him in a weird croaky voice which made me sound like a five year old boy. i cringed slightly.

"el!" eve's voice rings through the walls of the canteen as she approached me, her long legs helped of course. she always walked fast. she pulls me into a warm hug and apologizes, "i'm sorry, this is my fault. i'm such a blabbermouth, i'm sorry."

but all i could think about at that moment was the way james' eyes looked straight into mine with concern a hint of something i could not put my finger on yet i've seen him wear before. the occurrences which happened at the entrance of the school cafeteria was what prompted me to write yet another love letter for the golden boy that very night.