billet doux

d e u x / d o s

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀j u l y⠀o f⠀t h e⠀y e a r⠀2 0 0 3

" he's sleeping over? "

eve nods raising her eyebrows at me, " yeah mom's okay with it, you wanna join? "

" i - no, thank you. "

eve just shrugs, " if you change your mind just knock. " she tells me before taking a bite out of her orange popsicle.

⠀over a month ago, eve had decided she was old enough to sleep in a separate room and move into the spare one down the hallway leaving me to fend for myself. sleeping became difficult for me ever since she moved out mainly because i had a constant fear of things that go bump at night. of course i never dared voice it out that i was afraid of the dark eve would probably never let me hear the end of it. tonight she and james are having a sleep over and i couldn't help but feel out of place.

⠀halfway through dinner, whilst we were having our dessert the doorbell rang. eve bolts up and rushes for the door, a few moments later she comes back into the dining room with a familiar brown-haired boy trailing behind her. i play with my chocolate cake using my fork, trying to busy myself and avoid any chances of eye contact.

" have some cake, james. " i hear my mom offer.

" thank you. "

⠀a few seconds later i hear the chair gliding against the floor and james taking a seat next to eve directly across me.

" eloise don't play with your food, ma puce. " mom reprimands which made my cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

" hey, come on i've got snacks in my room. " eve tells james after they finished their piece. he agrees and together they leave the dining room. i finally let out the breath i had no idea i was holding and of course mom just happens to notice, " are you not joining them, ma belle? " i shake my head and assure her with a weak smile before standing up and excusing myself into my room.

⠀it was around ten forty-five pm when my bedroom door creaked open. fear creeps into me and i bolt up trying to find anything within reach that i could defend myself with.

" sorry, i was trying to find the bathroom. " the culprit says. it was james. i let out a relieved breath but at the same time i could feel my heartbeat was accelerating for reasons i couldn't figure out. " it's fine. i - the bathroom's the door to the left. " i croak but the brown-haired boy only stands there with a look on his face as if he was trying to figure me out.

" why are you still awake? " he asks out of the blue taking me by surprise.

i rattle my brain trying to find an acceptable excuse, " i'm not sleepy. " i lie.

" me too, " there was a pause, " can i tell you a secret? " i hesitated at first but nodded my head. james walks farther into my room sitting down on the floor, in front of me. " you promise not tell anyone? " i nodded again my heart beating like crazy in my ribcage.

" i'm afraid of the dark. "

⠀that was the last thing i expected him to say. maybe james wasn't so perfect, maybe he was just like me. he had weaknesses and fears but the difference was that he was better at hiding them.

" me . . . me too. " i confess, taking a ragged breath.

⠀i watch as the corners of his mouth twitch upward into a smile. " let's make a deal, eloise. " james starts, " you help me fall asleep and i'll do the same for you. "

⠀that was how i ended up laying on the near edge of my bed with my blankets draped over james who was on the floor and we talked. we talked about random things that would pop into our heads, well james did most of the talking. we stayed like that until both of us eventually fell asleep.