Melancholia

Chapter 1 - Tamara: Memories Rekindled

  

Heaps of freshly laundered clothes were scattered all over the bed.The smell of fresh lemon solvent wafted all around the house. Tamara always associated this smell with homecoming.Her daughter Elspeth's homecoming.It had been two days since Elspeth had arrived home from school for Christmas.Tamara looked over at Elspeth who now was laying down onthe carpet.Her otherwise cheerful daughter seemed low and distracted ever since she had returned.

"Something wrong,honey? Your head is up in the clouds today.Not feeling Christmassy yet?" enquired Tamara as she folded the laundry.

"Just thinking about something Grandma mentioned." answered Elspeth looking questioningly at her mother.Elspeth was studying in St.Marks.And had been living there at her grandparents house for the past year."I was helping her find the decorations in the  attic and I found some of your things."

"Oh!What did you find? I didn't know she still had my things up there.But then again,no surprise.That attic is huge and so is my mother's hoarding problem.''chuckled Tamara.

"It was weird,going through the boxes.A completely different story.A completely different life."said Elspeth

"Well,yes.I was a completely different person when I was 20.I was young.I became a mother after that,you know."said Tamara.

Elspeth  was fascinated to go through her mother's stuff.The attic was darkand crumbly.It was filled wall to wall with antique furniture andshowpieces that Tamara's mother had collected over the years.No light dared to enter this massive but confined space.It was through sheer luck that Elspeth came across this box from her mother's past.With her phone's light guiding her,she went looking for the Christmas decorations.Instead she came across a family of rats and shrieking,she turned around.And there it was sitting,a box called Tammy.

Elspeth was thrilled at her discovery and she ran through the darkness knocking down her grandma's antique vases.She sat down on in her roomand went through the box the same way she would devour a AS Byatt novel.

"So?What is it that you found??" futher prodded Tamara.

"Many surprsing things actually.Like my mother,once upon a time ago used to listen to bands like Nirvana and Sepultura and she actually finishedreading Proust's In Search of Lost Time? I went through your notes on it.Very inquisitive." gasped Elspeth.

"Ah!You found my band Tshirts. You shouldn't be surprised,hon. You have inherited your good musical and literary tastes from me,you know.Talking Heads blasted through my earphones for the whole 9 months.I recited Rilke's poetry when you couldn't sleep.And It was Patti Smith who sung all your lullabies to you."said Tamara.

"Oh I know,Mother.. my refined personality is all your doing,I know..it wasn't just that though.. I saw your photos.Old polaroids.I noticed something....That ring ...that you wear around your neck.You've been wearing it since you were 20....I never really gave it much thought before,until I saw in the photos.....No one is that religious about anything unless there's a story behind it.I feel it holds the answers to many of my questions."

"Questions?What have you and grandma been cooking ?'' said a now questioning Tamara.

"What are you so secretive about? What are you so sad about? I'm old enough now to know all the answers to my questions.As far as I can remember,I have never really truly seen you happy.I only see you waiting.What is this self imposed exile for?What is that ring? What is the reason behind doing what you did 16 yrs ago? I demand to know.''said Elspeth. She was now frantically pacing around the room,a habit she had everytime something was bothering her. As if the frustrating situation at hand would bury her alive if she didn't keep moving.

Tamara had been expecting this for a long time.She would have loved to avoid all these questions, as she had been doing all this while witheveryone. It had drove people away and it didn't matter to her.But she couldn't risk driving away her daughter.Not now.

"Calm down now,Elsie. Come.I'm making coffee.I'll answer."said Tamara.

                                                                       It was a cool December afternoon,pale sunlight was filtering into the kitchen.A tiny ginger cat named Baby,was sitting,purring in the kitchen window soaking in the sunlight.The pair of mother and daughter sat at the dining table sipping their coffees. One lookedthe spitting image of the other. Elspeth had inherited Tamara's warmbrown hair and deep set eyes circled by darkness which didn't seem to fade despite all the sleep.It made them both look sad,even when the daughter was not.She always had an aura of happiness around her,which the mother lacked.Elsie was a happy child born out of a melancholic mother.Tamara was always proud of herself for not letting her own melancholia rub off on Elspeth.

It had been ten minutes since they both sat down in the kitchen.Her mother hadn't uttered a word but was lost in her thoughts staring out the window,perhaps searching for words.

"The ring. It was my father who gave you the ring,didn't he? Asked Elspeth.

At this question Tamara looked over at her daughter as if woken up from eons of reverie.