Fall For You (One Direction)

I Have Loved You From The Start

Novalee Mays

I watch from backstage as the boys do a sound check for their first concert of the tour. Fortunately, it's in LA. "Here's that lemonade." An assistant passes me the glass bottle. 

"Thank yah." I smile politely and she scurries away.  

Niall approaches me, sweaty and breathing heavy, "Hey babe." He presses a sweet kiss to my lips.  

Since the interview a week or two ago, Niall and I have been able to go out on dates and not care if the paps saw us. The relationship became "official" just yesterday. Which, just makes it all much harder to deal with the fact he'll be leaving for a year for a world tour. 

"Hi my love." I toss him a fresh water bottle because his is empty. 

He leans with me against the table, "How are we soundin'?" He asks before gulping down a bunch of water.  

I smile, "Great. You guys are definitely ready for the show tonight..." 

He wraps a comforting arm around my waist, "Thank you, Nov. Are you okay?"  

I contemplate telling Niall the truth, or just pretending that everything is fine. "I'm good. Just getting excited to see you guys in concert." Lied right through my teeth.  

"Niall! C'mon man, we need to work on Heart Attack and you gotta do the OW!" Liam yells from the stage followed by laughs.  

Niall kisses my forehead, "Love you." Then he jogs back to where the boys are practicing.  

I sigh and slump more against the table. I watch Niall sing, own the stage, have fun with his friends, and it hurts. I know how extatic he is about performing across the world for 12 months to his fans. To me, I'm horrified at the fact of 12 months without him. Niall and I have already, from what I've heard of, lost plenty of time in the last few months that could've been spent loving each other. That's the other thing, how am I supposed to regain my memory without Niall or any of the boys here? Even Dyll is leaving for Chicago for Culinary school. I'm stuck here in LA without any of my family... I wish my mom was still here. Thinking of her always brings me to tears. I escape to the bathroom to cry my heart out about how shitty my life is about to be. No parents, no friends, no boyfriend, all alone; in a huge city. I can't even try to meet new people because I'm afraid they'll all be playing me to get close to One Direction. I cry for a good 30 minutes before coming out of the stall and applying some makeup from my purse to cover up the red puffy-ness. Everybody is waiting for me by the snack table when I approach. 

"Novalee, what's wrong?" Niall immediately finds the pain in my eyes and pulls me into a hug. 

"Nothing, they're uh, happy tears. Just excited for this concert tonight." I force a smile to my friends, but when I turn to Niall he's watching me intently. Why'd I have to have a boyfriend that could read me like a good book?

"Novalee, we have to leave soon are you almost ready?" Niall shouts from out in the hall.  

I'm staring at the scar on my wrist. I've been studying it a lot lately, and trying to remember what happened. I don't want to ask Niall because my self harm always was a touchy subject with him. I've been recovered for months, as far as I know, but what about these last 3 months? I check my body over for more jagged lines. Empty. Even the old ones on hip have nearly disappeared. Running my fingers over the scar I remember all the times I had cut after my mom passed. The first time I ever cut was the day of her funeral. I hadn't been able to take the sorrow that engulfed me. Then, the next time was the first night Dad came home drunk and hit me. After that self harm became a daily routine. Until Niall came back into my life. So what had caused me to create this scar? Wanting to just dismiss it, I look up into the mirror to finish my makeup. My eyeliner falls to the ground so I squat to pick it up. My eyes go black. Pictures start displaying in my mind; the under-sink cabinet is open and my hands are rummaging through it, me opening Niall's shaving kit, finding the blade, standing up and searching for a piece of skin, slicing in, screaming in agony, Niall rushing in and forcing me and himself into the tub, the shower spurting out water on us, him choking out words, me sobbing, him whispering that he loved me, then Harry kissing another girl. My eyes regain their vision and I'm staring at the floor where my eyeliner lays.