After a dream during the middle of the night I some how manage to wake myself up. I need something i look at the pack of cigarettes Lilac gave me. Just one... Some people said that's all it takes, just one harmless thing before you become addicted. That's not me though I'll prove them wrong. Running a hand through my hair i get out of bed my legs weren't covered by anything as I slept in a baggy t-shirt . Opening my draw quietly like any sudden sound could wake the sleeping father I had downstairs on the base floor of the home. I find the small red and white box of Marblo red 100's. I also reach for the small blue dolphin print lighter Lilac gave me. I paced myself over to the window calmly and opened it so the smoke scent could dift away into the crisp night air. Yeah polluting the earth probably wasn't the best thing for it but not like anyone cares anymore. I watch my fingers make the tiny flame spark up from the lighter for a moment, I watch the flame dance as I move it and the cigarette head close together. Once lit i take the flame away and let it disappear taking a hit I exhale and cough slightly, newbies always coughed their first few times. I feel relaxed now as I stand at the edge of the window looking out into the night covered world. The feeling of calmness I had...it almost felt like all my emotions went away for a while. Was this why people drink and do drugs? Does it ease everything? Turning my bright green eyes to the clock i see that its 4 am, I can't sleep now however, the chilled air from outside awoke me. I near the end of my cigarette and put it out shutting the window after doing so. On my way to the bedroom door I stuff my cigarettes into the bottom of my underwear drawer and head down to the shower to clean of some of the scent that lingered on me,thank god it was Friday.
I step out of the shower in a towel knowing my dad wasn't awake yet and sneak back upstairs silent like falling snow.I close the door behind me, my mind finds it's way to think about everyone i met yesterday Quinn ,Carson, Luca, Hayden, Eliza, Dakota and Lilac. They seemed so welcoming but would they even remember me today? Probably not..When something goes wrong they'll forget about me anyway it's best not to get to attached, yet why do I actually want to get ready today? was it because of them? I'm staring at my clothes for what seems like forever until I saw what i wanted to wear. I chose my black tank top and purple and black half sleeve shirt to go over it, grey skinny jeans that faded into black near the ends, socks, converse. I stood in front of my mirror, my dark blonde beach wavy hair was flowing down to my mid-back.I fixed a few noticeable peices and then added my eyeliner and cover up. I look like a fool I turn around and snatch my white hoodie off the back of my mushroom chair and put it on. So much better.
Around 6:30 i find myself in the kitchen lightly sipping on some hot tea I made with a small chocolate chip muffin to go with it. I lightly nibbled at it but didn't eat all of it, only enough to keep up my strength for now. I hear a door close and jump, dad was awak so i snuck back upstairs with out any detection. I start putting my books into my black messanger bag with a sakura branch letting its petals fall, under the pouch it said in beautiful letter a scentence from a song I liked " This pain is just too real, these wounds won't seem to heal, there is just too much that time cannot erase" The clock now says 6: 55 am. I walk back downstairs and look at my dad "I'm walking to school" i say shortly and turn heading out the door with my keys, bag, phone and ipod blasting my playlist into my ears. I don't even hear myself shut the door.
My walk was calm, I kept my hood up even though there was no rain sadly I'm already starting to miss siting in damp clothes for two hours just doing my own thing and nobody caring. I kept shuffeling through the music on my ipod went i go to stick it back in my hoodie pocket after allowing the song ' I miss the Misery" by Halestorm to play but something else is there as well. My cigarettes were sitting inside the pocket snug like they belonged there. I didn't remember grabbing them though I quickly check myself to see if i brought the lighter. I found it in my back pocket. School was still a while away...I could have just one more...my mind was making me pretty anxious. I took one out and lit it without though taking a couple hits soon enough.Why did i keep coming back to these? Somehow I just felt better with one like when I exhaled my thoughts escaped and left me so I wouldn't think about them. I liked feeling a little more relaxed, it w as calming to think of it like that.
I dropped my cigarette butt about 10 minuets before I reached the school. The sky was finnally lighter than it had been when I had left. I entered the school, music booming in my ears as i head straight for my locker. I'm so in my world i don't even hear the footsteps behind me or feel the presence of anyone near me until I shut my locker and turned around "Good Morning Cher!" Quinn smiled happily.With him are Carson again, Lilac, Eliza, Dakota, and Luca. I guessed Hayden wasn't here yet. Wait a second Quinn remembered my name MY name. It caught me off gaurd as i stared at those blue eyes and caramel like skin. Stop staring you're being creepy I yell to myself. "Hey" i say slightly uncomfortable. Eliza, Lilac and Dakota pull me over to them "So" Llilac slightly exaggerates the word " Sinc Carson's having a party tommarow, we were wondering if you'd want to stay the night with us at my house tonight." she intives me. Wait another second, i'm being invited to hang out? What the fuck is going on? Did I die last night? For moments I don't answer due to the initial shock. Then I nod my head a little "Yeah..okay..sure" I say. The trio then smiles "Great here lets all exchange numbers" we pull out our phones and give each other out numbers "Hey i want Cher's number!" Quin complains rushing over Carson and Luca follow "us to!" they chime in and then I give them the number and they return theirs. The bell rings "CHER! we are going to be late for class!" Quinn pulls my wrist into his hand and drags me off.
It wasn't till lunch that we all met up again. I thought about my art project, 'Create something that defines you' the words echoing in my head "Cher? Hello? Cher?" I hear Quinn's rough voice snap me out of my thoughts. I ate a little lunch today as well. "Oh..Sorry" Iapologize, my voice faint and elsewhere. I pull out my phone to text my ddad and ask him if i can stay at Lilac's house. He says yes and is happy I had a friend. "Hey My dad said I can stay" I tell Lilac who smiles "Great" she responds. I catch Quinn staring at me and i look at him. He looks away. Don't tell me you're.. I cut myself off not even wanting to think about it. We all start up a conversation about video games. "Nah man I'm the best" said Carson " You can't kill me" he says to Quinn. I in fact play the game too. "I bet i can beat you" i challenge. Everyone's eyes shoot on me as Carson smiles "Oh the little lady thinks she can take me? well, we'll just have to have a show down tomamrow night" he winked at me. "I won't hold back just because your a girl" said Carson looking at me. My eyes challenge his "Neither will I" I tell him coldly getting up as it was time to go, he too watches me but i pretend not to notice.
School finnally let out after such a long boring day. The weekend was here. I grab my bag from my locker and shut it "I'll walk you to Lilac's car" he offers. I simply shrug, Carson joins us later. "Hey how was school?" he asked, I felt like a new daughter in some kind of family. One that actually cared ut my fears and emptiness refused to ackowledge that happiness wanted to awaken. "It was school" I say blankly exiting the school with them. They bring me to an aqua colored mustange with the top down, Lilac in the drivers seat Eliza had shotgun and Dakota in back. "Hop in" Lilac motioned me to com in, and I jumped in. Quinn and Carson watched me "well see you tommarow" they said in sync and headed their own ways. Liliac drove off "So, Cher? where do you live?" she asked. I was watching everything pass by. " Ethers Road" I say looking up at them "Oh nice neigbor hood" she comments heading in the direction of my home. We all light a cigarette as we fly down the roads. "Oh come on" Eliza looks at me "Girl what do you got under that white hoodie? do you ever take it off?" she asks "It's my favorite hoodie " I explain. "Take it off, Take it off" all three girls chant like its a big deal, laughs were mixed in. I give in so they'll hush down. I reveal my outfit, my under weight body, my average boobs-still clothed of course."Oh-la-la" the trio stares at me. "Nice" Lilac looks back at me. "Soo are you crushing on Quinn?" asked Dakota curiously. "No..not really?" I say with question. "Oh man bummer on his part" they laugh again and we all take a hit from our cigarettes at the same time, Lilac blasts some loud rock music.
Lilac pulled up to my home "Nice place" she comments as i lead them inside. Dad was home "Hi girls" he said getting up as we entered. " Nice to meet you ladies I'm, Cher's father Russell" He greatted them with such ease and they were kind back but followed me upstairs as I said nothing to him. They entered my room as I grabbed all the things i'd need and look around "You like it up here?" asked Eliza " of course, why do you ask?" I said not really caring. Eliza shrugged "I like it too, its very roomie" I toss everything into a My Chemical Romance bag and left my school stuff in my computer chair. "You ready?" I ask them "Yeah" I follow them back down, i felt somebody's eyes on me earlier but i don't know who's. We all pile into the car and leave. This was so new to me. I wondered what Lilac's house was like? What would we do? My mind rambling with questions like a child. I took another cigarette to my lips and let it all go as I exhaled feeling the wind blow through my hair and it felt nice and warm.
