Zindagi

Chapter 1

Sunday 14th February

"Bye bye you two have fun!" I called from the sitting room smiling at my cousin and her boyfriend.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay Zaf? You're almost ready to burst honestly, I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone" complained Sofi as I smiled at her, it would usually be the other way around I was the one worrying and she was the one relaxing.

"Stephen please tell her, I'm okay I still have a few weeks to go according to the doctor" I grinned as I shooed them off.

"Baby listen if she needed us she wouldn't have told us to go in the first place, stop worrying and we're not going far we're still in the area we're just gonna get dinner we'll be back soon" grinned Stephen finally speaking up.

"Sof you're literally going down the road honestly relax what could happen in an hour?" I grinned before looking back at the TV, switching to an episode of friends.

"Zafirah listen to me you relax I'll be back soon and don't have that baby in an hour don't even do anything till I'm back relax and call me if you need anything"

"Just get me strawberries and I'll be okay, Oh! And a good steak yeah a nice good steak sounds good" I grinned blowing them kisses as they left.

As much as I loved my cousin since I got pregnant she did begin to hover and hang about, I couldn't be mad at her because this was after all our apartment her dad let us use it since I found out I was expecting. I did love Sof, she dropped everything in Harrow to come here to Richmond to take care of me as it was easier for me to get to university while I was attending.

So as mentioned I'm pregnant about eight months more or less as my cousin said I look about ready to pop. Why am I living alone you ask? Well its simple really I'm an unmarried Pakistani girl who's expecting. Finding out I was, changed a lot in my life, I was kicked out of my family home, as I did expect to be so that didn't come to much of a surprise. My cousin Safia's, Sof is her nickname from me, her dad was like a second dad to me and he was more understanding than my own dad was.

Anyway onto less depressing stuff, I was still attending university I mean I got a first with flying colours. I was becoming a mother, I don't think there's actually a feeling better than this one, knowing that you were essentially creating life as clichéd as that sounded. I couldn't be happier.

I sighed I knew as well as my little one how much of a lie that was. I was scared of doing this alone. I wasn't with the father anymore, to be honest I don't think he ever knew I was expecting I don't remember telling him. In my defence though, he left me. We came to the mutual agreement we didn't need each other. Again this was before I found out I was expecting, I rather not give him the satisfaction that I needed him more than he needed me I could do this alone. I didn't need his beautiful face that I could watch all day, knowing each and every detail or luscious lips biting and teasing me. Those beautiful brown eyes that I continuously drown into and his large arms always ready to protect me. Yep I didn't need him one bit, you could tell couldn't you?

I loved him more than I loved myself I went through thick and thin the well-known ride or die type thing with him and guess what? It wasn't enough at all, not one bit for him and that shattered me completely. I couldn't continue to be the person who was okay with what we were going through. I was better than that so I left him. And just my luck? I found out I was pregnant with his baby none-the-less. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him and let him know, I didn't want to give him that satisfaction I had too much pride.

I had no idea what the baby's gender was actually I wanted to keep that a surprise for myself, I sighed sitting up turning once again to get comfortable.

"You just won't let mama sit comfortably will you?" I grinned patting my stomach. "Now let's see what's going on in the world of social media"

Scrolling through Instagram I grinned, I haven't put up a picture in a while to be fair no need to let the world know I was pregnant now, I haven't really kept in contact with most people but it didn't hurt to see what was going on, did it? I mean I knew what was happening with my best friends and friends from university but that was about it. I hadn't really spoken to family since I got kicked out, my younger brothers tried to stay in contact, my sisters not so much, my mum unfortunately was stuck in the middle as she had to take my dad's side but I'm also her oldest daughter so I can see her dilemma.

"Your uncle Tariq is forever being a manwhore that dumbass, Uncle Sammy is finally doing his doctorate and Aunty Sof is on her date" I laughed yup my best friends the losers aren't they? Browsing through the events of the past few days, it's good to have a quiet evening once in awhile isn't it?

I mean with the whole pregnancy it was morning sickness, the never ending doctor appointments, the cravings, the constant need to pee, the forever getting larger and worrying you'll never get back to your normal size and the bloody mood swings I was a pretty emotional person before can you imagine me now?

"Oh my god" I gasped looking at a picture on Instagram "engaged, to who? It had only been a few months!" I got up panicking staring at the picture of him and this other girl. Who was she?

"It's only been a few months!" I cried upset. Why was I so upset? I wasn't his anymore and neither was he mines. But how? In only a few months, how could he get over me so quickly and engaged at that. Sof I needed Sof, dialling her number I waited for her to pick up ignoring the growing pain in my stomach.

"Is everything okay Zaf?" she sounded panicked.

"Sof!" I screamed as the pain kicked in harder "Sof I need you!"

"Stephen it's time we gotta go! I told you we should've stayed at home" she was having a go at Stephen I couldn't help but smile about that, it was typical of her.

"You really could sense mama's pain couldn't you? Made yourself come a few weeks early" I panted trying to get up and get my things ready before they got here.

"shoes, shoes, shoes, where are my shoes? Bloody hell!" I screamed biting down on my lip hard holding in the scream sitting back down on the sofa. I couldn't do this.

Just then Stephen came bursting in out of breath, "Sof told me to run ahead she has the car keys she's getting the car"

"Sof can't drive neither of you are legal!"

"Zaf this isn't the time to talk about stuff being legal or not! Your bag and shoes were by the door already Sof stayed prepared, come on lets go" he helped me up as I screamed from a contraction.

"I can't do this! She doesn't have to come out now she can stay in me its okay I can hold it"

"This isn't the time to be funny Riddikulus honestly lets go" he said using his harry potter related nickname for me, helping me up once again and towards the door.

"I can't honestly I can't" I panicked following him down to the elevator.

"Zafirah if there is anyone who can do this it's you trust me, Me and Sof aren't going anywhere we'll be here for you"

I panicked Stephen was a little brother to me but I was scared. He didn't understand I was doing this alone even if he and Sof were there mentally I was trapped and all alone in this. How would I tell my baby about her father? How would I ever bring that discussion up to my child?

"Zaf I told you we shouldn't of gone out we should have stayed here" screamed Sof as we got to the car.

"You two can't drive" I panted taking short breaths like I was taught.

"Stephen drive Zaf come on into the back we'll get you into the hospital soon" comforted Sof taking my hand in hers.

How did I get here? How had nine months gone so quickly? No not nine months almost a year of being without him two years since we stumbled into each other's life who knew we'd get so far and things would be like this? I panted harder leaning back against the car seat and began reminiscing...