The List

Chapter 7: Awkward

BellaPOV

It was Thursday night, and it had been a long quiet week. It had started out with fireworks, but there had been no repeat performance.

I stared down at the notebook in front of me, my eyes glazing over the list, when I suddenly flipped several pages back to a blank sheet. I knew once I was changed I might not remember all of this, and I wanted to. So I began a diary of sorts.

July 14-Edward took me on a date to the meadow. We laid in the sun while I ate lunch and he read to me. It was warm and his skin dazzled me. It was a lovely afternoon. I carved our initials in a tree at the edge of the meadow, and Edward put a heart around it. Then he started kissing me in a way he had never allowed himself to do before. He had me pressed back against the tree, and it was so sexy and needful. I loved seeing him want me. It was the first time I think I truly believed he wanted me that way as much as I wanted him. I convinced him to let me wrap myself around his waist, and oh God, everything about that, about him, felt wonderful. He was commanding and tender and raw all at the same time and the thought of him that day still makes my stomach flip-flop. I had the most incredible orgasm of my life, the only one I'd ever had with another person. I never felt more connected to him than I did at that moment.

July 15-I am proclaiming July 15 as a national holiday, one which we will celebrate every year for years to come. Ha! To come! Edward came to my room I think with the purpose of scolding me for leaving my panties on his bed-oh, that's another story from the 14th... Anyway, he caught me having a dream about him, and before my mind could even comprehend what was going on he was talking me through pleasuring myself. But then he helped me, he actually ASKED me to show him how I liked to be touched. He joined his hand with mine, and then he asked to be inside of me. My body couldn't decide whether to cry from the sweetness of it or to devour him. Having him inside of me was the most fulfilling thing I have ever experienced in my life. Or at least I thought so. Until he allowed me to return the favor. He allowed me to touch him. His body is exquisite, and seeing him let himself go, seeing him allow himself some modicum of pleasure for once, knowing I had the power to bring him that pleasure. That was actually the most fulfilling experience of my life.

I looked up from the page, reminiscing about the week afterwards.

After being together Tuesday morning, Edward had held me tenderly for an hour. Then, all of a sudden, I felt him distance himself from me slightly. He kissed my forehead and then pulled away, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and pulling his pants up in one quick movement. I felt his loss immediately. He seemed at loose ends, and all of a sudden I started feeling a little self-conscious. I wanted to say something to ease the tension that seemed to cloud the room, but I couldn't make sense of it. To me the morning had been absolutely perfect. The best morning of my life.

He turned to me. "Um, I'm going to run home and get cleaned up. I'll be back in a while?" I couldn't fathom why he phrased it as a question.

My brain was reeling to keep him from leaving. "Why don't you just take a shower here? Then you won't have to run back and forth?"

He looked down a little sheepishly and seemed to debate with himself.

Maybe he thought he couldn't trust me not to push him any further. Maybe I had pushed him more than he was ready to be pushed. My mind wanted to reject all that self-doubt outright, but a nagging pile of guilt still managed to take up residence in a dark corner of my brain. All the same, I felt the need to reassure him. "It's okay, Edward, I won't...," what might he be afraid of?, "...bother you. You can lock the door, even." Trying to make light of the situation, I added, "Unlike you, locks actually work on keeping me out." I smiled up at him.

My obvious effort to diffuse the tension seemed to get to him, because all of a sudden his face relaxed and he came back over to the bed. He threaded a hand through my hair and cradled the back of my head with it, then placed a light kiss on my lips. "You could never bother me, love." He kissed me again. "Would you like to go first?"