The List

Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

EdwardPOV

I sucked. Swallowed. Pulled again and again. What flowed over my tongue and down my throat was stunningly good. The sensation was exquisite...glorious...full of life.

It was...Bella.

Where a moment before, time had stilled. All of a sudden, it sped up.

Realization slammed into me and I unlocked my jaw. I was so horrified that I fought the instinct to swallow the blood in my mouth and it dribbled out and down my chin, falling into Bella's hair and onto the pillow.

Bella trembled and moaned and her eyes fluttered open and shut. "Bella?" I rasped.

"Edwa...."

Just then, the door flew open with a bang and then something - Emmett - crashed into me and tackled me roughly to the floor on the far side of the bed. I hissed and struggled. Not because he was keeping me from the blood, but because he was keeping me from my love. I was tight-in control of my bloodlust now-but my mind was racing so fast that I couldn't get the words out of my mouth.

Others were there too, working around the bed.

"Get...off!" I finally managed. "I'm...okay!"

Emmett grunted and redoubled his grip. Alice's voice saved me. "Let him up, Emmett. He's okay now."

Emmett appraised me with a frown, then looked back to Alice who nodded. He sprung off me, but stayed in a half-crouched position between me and the bed.

As I stood, a wad of fabric smacked me in the chest and I caught it instinctively. My pajama pants. Right. I yanked them on and stepped around Emmett, daring him with my eyes to stop me.

Fifteen seconds had elapsed since her blood had last crossed my lips.

"Carlisle?" I croaked as I gently climbed on the bed and grasped Bella's hand. Tears streaked down her face and mumbled utterances that sometimes resembled my name sounded out of her quivering lips.

Carlisle's words were fast, spare, mechanical. "I got it in her tibial and femoral arteries and into her brachial artery on the side opposite the bite. The common and internal carotids are gone, as we expected, but I'm fairly certain I was successful in using the external carotid on the opposing side"

I nodded. After Bella's request that I bite her during lovemaking, Carlisle and I had strategized about how the administration of the morphine might still be possible. Carlisle theorized that if we could get inject enough in at least some places in advance of the venom, it would still do her some good. It was the best we could hope for; Bella was adamant that her change be a reflection of our love, and not just a medical procedure.

Someone had thoughtfully draped the sheet across Bella's body, granting her dignity as we stood vigil over her.

Even as the morphine quieted her shaking body, small moans and whimpers rattled her from her throat.

As Carlisle measured her pulse and listened through his stethoscope, I pressed my lips to her knuckles. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I whispered.

A hand settled on my shoulder and I flinched. "She's going to be okay, Edward. I promise."

Alice's voice did little to soothe the intense guilt I felt in that moment. How selfish of me! To have ever talked to her! To have wanted her! To have done...this...to her!

"Edward, don't go there," Jasper ordered through a strained voice. "Mourning the loss of her human life is one thing. Regretting what has transpired here is another. It's worthless. And it's wrong. She wanted this, Edward - she wants this. You better fucking get it together and be there for her. She needs you."