Insanity's Ideals ~Prequel to Deathnote~

Chapter 10 ~Respond~

I stared at the computer, not comprehending it. I just didn’t understand it. Even with my vast knowledge and calculations of how he could react, I did not expect this at all. I didn’t see it coming in the least.

He actually responded to me.

The world’s most capable and intelligent detective responded to me. It felt like a punch to my gut-- a pretty tough punch at that. His message didn’t make me feel any better either, in fact, it enraged me. I slammed my head on the desk, nails digging into the cherry wood of my desk. Aggravation filled my every sense at the thought of his message:

“Hello Tenshi. What’s on your mind?”

He was playing with me like I was some kind of toy. He was so casual that it made me want to barf. Is this how the number one detective acted towards what could be-- no-- what is the new saving grace in this world?!

And not just that... how could my calculations and theories that covered every possible thing that a sane person would do?! I lifted my head and glared at the message on the screen. This guy... This L...

“Who the hell do you think you’re dealing with?!” I shouted out, bringing my hands to placed in my dark locks. Clawing at my scalp and I wanted to rip apart this failure of a brain. This mundane excuse for a mind that I had so stupidly fed information too anyway. So idiotic... Why was I such an idiot?!

“Oi, Ai,” Ren’s voice came from behind me. I turned to glare at him with ice in my one seeing eye. “Uh, never mind...”

I spun back around and planted myself in front of the desk, fuming. How dare he taunt me! He was probably smiling right now, chuckling at his own little joke. He probably thought poking fun with the holy Tenshi was a hell of a time. Grinding my teeth together, I never had such an overwhelming sense of bloodlust before. I wanted him dead more than anything. A bastard like him was worth than the scum that crawled the earth. He was worse than scum. He laughed in the face of Ai no Tenshi. Laughed like devil himself.

My thoughts turned hectic as my eyes darted to look at every square inch of my room. Was it always like this? Was my room always so filthy...? It was unfit for a holy angel like myself to live in. So messy that it didn’t deserve my very presence. It had to be cleaned up.

Bolting up, I ran out to my door and unlocked it, throwing it open with a bang. Downstairs, I heard something crash from the kitchen. My mother squealed and with the sound of water running, it wasn’t a far-off guess that she had dropped a plate when she heard the bang. Too clumsy, humans were too clumsy! It wasn’t just that... too let such a simple emotion like fear get in the way. So incredibly stupid. I shook my head, sprinting to the bathroom.

I threw open the door and thrust open the cabinets under the sink. I grabbed everything I possibly could and then some. My room was dirty. It had to become clean and livable. I had to be. Ren followed behind me, looking a little freaked out. I glared at him again.

Rushing back to my room, I slammed it with a bang again. Dropping all the cleaning supplies onto the bed, I began to clean. I stripped the bed of its sheets and the pillows of their cases. I pulled all the clothing out of their drawers and off their hangers. These needed to be washed.

For over seven hours, I was focused on cleaning. I did not join my mother and brother to eat dinner. Food was nothing to an angel. To the holy Tenshi. I would not be an idiotic human. I wanted to be so much more than that.

Ren said nothing as he watched me. Still, the anxiousness he had in his strange eyes told me that he clearly was a little unnerved by what I was doing. But he didn’t get it. Even as a Shinigami, as a reaper of death, he didn’t get it. No one would.

I reached up and clawed at my scalp again. It hurt, but the pain only angered me more. ‘Tenshi’ didn’t feel pain. But ‘Ai’ did. Ai was nothing more than a worthless human who could easily be replaced by another. I don’t want to be ‘Ai’. I want to be ‘Tenshi’. I’m a holy being stuck in a disgusting human body.

Emotions, thoughts, colors, smells, tastes, sights... they all are holy things. I want to be on that list. I want to memorize it until I can say it all by heart. I want so much more than can be offered. So, I will make holy beings recognize me and lift me up so I’m up there with them where I want to be. Where I belong.

I cleaned up my room until it was completely spotless. Until it met the perfection that only a holy being deserved. A room that I alone deserved. Going back to my desk, I opened a drawer and extracted the Deathnote. I cleaned up this room for Tenshi, then I will clean up this world for Tenshi too.

As I wrote the names, I began to think again. As the gears in my head moved their mundane way, an idea surfaced through all the muck. A way to become one of the holy beings in the sky. To sit next to God as his loyal angel. I had to kill the one person who was worse than scum. His life must be destroyed by my hands.

Looking back over at the screen of my computer I re-read the message:

‘Hello Tenshi. What’s on your mind?’

L...

Let’s play a little game, shall we?

Loser dies.