Voices

Inside Out

Leo's POV
          "Alexis! Alexis where are you?!?"
          Gasping I wake in cold sweat, hot tears. I'm shaking, nerves racking, I hold my head and rock back and forth, wheezing breath. Suddenly my feet hit the floor before I even know I've commanded them.
          I run to the living room where she was sleeping on the couch. I offered her to use my room but she insisted she take the couch. When I get there, and find nothing but a blanket and pillow, I start to panic a little. Forcing myself to take a few deep breaths, I look in the dojo, Donnie's lab, going room to room... Until finally.
          What I find, replaces whatever worry I had with hate. My hands become fists, nails digging into my palm. Eyebrows narrowing, face scrunching in anger. I'm still shaking, only now for a different reason.
          Raph's cuddling with Alexis, my Lexi... Suddenly a whisper breaks my rage.
          "Leo?" Alexis moves gracefully from Raph's arms and makes her way over to me.
          Her hand touches my face, startling me a little.
          "You okay?" Concern crosses her features.
          "Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, um no." I shake my head and hold it in one hand, pain coursing through my veins.
          "Hey..." She says and takes my face in both of her chilly hands, "You're okay." Hugging me, my body completely relaxes and I let her steady my weight.
          After a few long, wonderful moments, I begin recovering my senses.
          "Why aren't you asleep?" I ask her.
          "I could ask you the same question." Is her reply, along with a smirk I've seen so many times before from Raph. It looks different on Alexis...
          "Raph was having a nightmare."
          "He woke you up?!?" I get annoyed all over again.
          "No!" She exclaims, laughing a little.
          "I wasn't sleeping in the first place. I just heard him and went to check if he was alright." A smile breaks across her face.
          "So he cuddled with you?" I can't help the edge in my voice, and it takes me by surprise a little when she chuckles.
          "Calm down big boy, I've known you guys for a lifetime but I'm technically just meeting you all for the first time. I've changed. I'm afraid I'm not the Alexis you all remember. I'm different."
           No matter what I do, I can't get her last words out of my head. There's this odd way she said 'different' and I just don't like it. It bugs me. But I can't figure out why...
          What does she mean she's different?
          "I don't understand..." Her eyes drop when I speak and an exhale puffs from her lips.
          Taking me by the hand she leads me back to the couch where we both take a seat.
          "In the Lab... They..." Her eyes go so distant... Tears clogging them as time ticks by. When her eyes fill with water, they seem to glow even more... So beautiful... Even in sorrow. Like Light in the Dark.
          "I was tortured, mutated on... For four long, dreadful years they experimented on me... I've got so many scars..." Chin wobbling, Alexis attempts to control herself but something like this, something so traumatizing can't be controlled. Getting up, she turns around, lifting up her sweater (one of Raph's that's really big but super cute on her that he surprisingly let her borrow). I gasp, eyes becoming wide in terror... Terror I feel for her... For Alexis. 
          I stand and lightly touch the damaged skin. There are symbols burnt into her back, words carved into flesh, at least a thousand whip lashes, and a mess of her shoulder blades, gory and stitched with wire. It seems like it's happened just now but her skin is scared like that. The inside of her is out. Part of her shoulder blade pokes through and the skin is contorted in deformed waves. It must hurt every time she moves. Every time she breaths...
          "My god..." I gasp again under my breath. After a moment she lets her shirt drop again and sits back down on the couch, curling up with her knees pressed to her chest. I sit next to her.
          "There is no explaining," she pauses, gulping,"the amount of agony they bestowed upon me... So many unforgivable, sinful things I can't even talk about they are so... Dark..." She sniffs and squeezes her eyes shut. It tears my heart apart to see her like this. So I take her in my arms and listen to her sobs dancing to beating weeps.
          "They made me forget... Who I was... I didn't know any details but I knew what everything was... I knew how to count and read and write... But I couldn't tell you my name..."
          "And how did you figure it out?" I stroke her hair gently trying to soothe her.
          Sighing she pulls up her sleeve, revealing her pale forearm. My eyes widen again... I didn't expect this to be her answer... Written on her arm in deep scars is her name.
"I carved it in before they made me forget, somehow I knew they were going to do it... My name gave me some sanity... But in that Lab there is no sanity within years of searching miles..." I hug her again.
"Alexis I'm so sorry... I didn't know." Eyes tearing up I try not to cry for both her and my sake.
She smiles through the tears, "You have no need to be sorry Leonardo... Sometimes I get images or I'll dream of my past life... Or what came before anyway... When I escaped, I started to regain piece by piece. But it's only been a year since... And I'm still finding myself..." I kiss her forehead and take her hands in mine.
"You should get some rest..." I whisper to her. "You are welcome to stay with me if you want," I pause before saying this, not really wanting to and I don't even know why I say it but I do, "or you can go back with Raph... If you want." She smiles and wipes away the stray tears, pecking me on the cheek and I feel heat rise to my face, making her giggle.
"Thanks Leo, I'll stay with you until you fall asleep, and then I'll go with Raph cause I have a feeling he'll panic if he doesn't find me there when he wakes up. You'll see me in the morning." She smiles brightly at me and it's fair what she's saying I guess, so I nod and don't let go of her hand until I get to my room.
Laying down, she isn't shy to cuddle up in my arms. I find a wide smile on my face and the same on hers. There is a long pause as we linger in comfort for a few moments. Her eyes are closed but somehow she knows my eyes are stuck on her.
          "I use to have wings..." Her voice is bellow a whisper, but I hear, "They were the colours of my hair, and when I'd fly, both my eyes and wings would glow. They did weird stuff to me Leo. I can do weird things. Unnatural things. Things I'm not suppose to be able to do."
          Kissing the top of her head, I whisper, "I won't ever let that happen to you again... I promise. I'll die before I let that happen to you ever again." Her smile grows ever so slightly.
"Thanks Leo... But it was worth the suffering... It was worth you all. Just, don't tell the others yet please... I'm not ready." I smile and kiss her head again.
"Don't worry Angelix." I smirk and she laughs lightly.
"That's what you use to call me wasn't it?"
"Yeah... That was my special little nick name for you."
"Lovenardo, wasn't that it? My name for you?" My smile broadens.
"Yes... Yes it was." It doesn't matter how cheeky cheesy it sounds, it's a special thing, bond we have.
"Sleep well Lovenardo..."
"Rest well my Angelix..." And without further a do, I can't stay awake any longer. I try to, because I love the warm feel of her in my arms. I love the sensation of holding her... And I know when I fall asleep, she won't be there when I wake up... Inside out I guess. Just like everything else.